The Xanax Files 2004...cuz if I Go Too Far into 2005 I Start Crying. Part 1 of 4
Hi, I'm Troy Maclure. You may remember me from such Driver's Ed films as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass"...Happy 2nd Birthday Xanax Files! Today we go back to 2004 to revisit some of the more memorable moments around here...Join me, won't you?
Ah...August 4, 2004, the event that started it all...
“Take care” she said, not really looking at him as she followed him to the door. She managed to glance at him once as he passed through it and saw a look on his face that confused her. Did he think she was going to beg him? It almost looked like disbelief.
The lock clicked into place and she turned around to go back to her bedroom. The picture had to go. She tore it up quickly, without thinking. Knowing that in times past, moments like these led to squirreling away more bits of nostalgic detritus she had collected.
Not this time.
Into the living room. The pin from the bike rally. Garbage. Tickets stubs from Vegas. Garbage. The clothes! Back to the bedroom…but wait. She LIKES these shirts. To the top shelf of the closet she just moved in to…at the back. Where she won’t see them until she’s better. She just can’t bring herself to throw away good clothes. Back to the living room. Wallet… the sweet nothing she carried with her that meant so much when he wrote it…don’t read it…just tear it up and throw it away. This bandaid WILL come off quickly goddamnit. Camera. Film. Waste it, throw it away. Everything. A 5 month love affair destroyed in one morning. All traces of him removed in under 15 minutes. She called her roommate.
Then she cried.
And then she made a promise to herself. Never again. Never again. Never again. She will never let herself love freely again. Never. They all leave. All of them. No matter what they say. No matter what they do.
“I’m not that guy.”
“I love you.”
“I want to take care of you.”
Bullshit. All the same. And she refused to let this one in. She wasn’t going to fall apart again. She had made a fool of herself the last time. This time would be different. She’d be ok. But she was afraid to wake up tomorrow morning.
Wake up. Fuck. It happened. And now it’s time to throw up. Walk slowly around the apartment. Not wanting to be far away from her roommate. Where is this fear coming from? Go to work. Go to rehearsal. Dry heave throughout the day. Being left is a full-body experience. She feels like an addict. Home. Cry. Sleep. Wake up. Start it all over again.
Then the dark thoughts come. The ones that have been quiet for so long. Thoughts like, What if she just didn’t wake up in the morning? It would be great to just disappear completely. How hard would it be? She knows something is terribly wrong. So, she goes through all the right channels. All the right doctors and starts to try and get herself well.
All the while in her head.. never again. Never again. Never again.
She prides herself in being ok. Being strong. She isn’t well, isn’t ok isn’t strong.
Whoa! Kinda depressing... but things weren't always sad around good old XF...
Anyhoo...
Wedding Season. First of all, it's ALWAYS Wedding Season. Anytime someone says "It's Wedding Season!" I want to slap them across the mouth. People get married everyday. That's why you have to reserve your venue 10 years in advance. The only reason why it seems like wedding season is because it's not 50,000 degrees below zero outside, and actually catch glipmses of wedding parties. But that's not what I want to write about today. It's only a weak segue into what I call my Endless Love Rant.
My love, There's only you in my life.
The only thing that's bright.
My first love, You're every breath that I take.
You're every step I make. And I, I want to share, All my love with you.
No one else will do.
And your eyes, Your eyes, your eyes,
They tell me how much you care.
Oooohh yes, you will always be,
My endless love.Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one.
Our lives have just begun.
Forever,Ohhhhhh...I'll hold you close in my arms.
I can't resist your charms.
And love,Oh, love, I'll be a fool, For you.
I'm sure, You know I don't mind.
Oh, you know I don't mind.
'Cause you,You mean the world to me.
Oooohh... I know, I've found in you, My endless love.
DOO DOO DOO DOOOooh, and love.
Oh, love, I'll be that fool, For you.
I'm sure, You know I don't mind.
Oh you know, I don't mind.
And, YES, You'll be the only one.
'Cause no one can deny,This love I have inside.
And I'll give it all to you, My love,
My love, my love, My endless love.
Sweet song right? Played at countless weddings across America. But what I need you to know is that this song is the title track to a film of the same name starring Brooke Sheilds and directed by (unbeknownst to me until today and shocking as I was doing my research for this piece) Franco Zeffirelli. For those of you not familiar with this little gem of a film, here's the plot summary as quoted from IMDB (simply because it's put just about as well as I would.)
“Two young kids fall in love with each other. But the passion is too consuming for the parents of Jade. The parents try to stop them from seeing each other. But when this doesn't work David burns down the house and is sent away. This doesn't stop him from seeing her. When he gets out he goes to look for her. But in the end the passion for his first love is too strong and she has to leave or this love will kill both of them.”
Now, I'd like to call your attention to one line in particular. "But when this doesn't work David burns down the house and is sent away." One more time. "David burns down the house". Yes. He BURNS. DOWN. THE. HOUSE. And if that isn't twisted enough for you, what the blurb doesn't tell you is that after David tracks down the since moved object of his desire, he inadvertently causes her dad to be railed by a car and killed. "Dooo doo doo I want to share all my love with you..."
That's Endless Love.
Protip: If you ever meet a couple who's First Dance was Endless Love, set down your drink and back away slowly.
He he...Well, let's go ahead and end this segment with some excerpts...
Protip: Just because a really good chick movie comes on USA, one does not need to drink a quarter of a jug of wine.
What I learned from drinks with folks from work:
If sharks were on land they wouldn't be as scary...even if they were camouflaged or had a cloaking device or similar. Only that as they uncloaked, the "Klingon Bird of Prey Uncloaking Music" must play.
Wild at Heart is NOT the Christian Slater monkey heart movie.
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