Enjoy the Silence
Well, not really. I've been lax in my blogging, Dear Blog Readers, and I apologize.
I suppose it's owing to the approach of winter and a general malaise that settles over me every year.
But I have come to a conclusion. One of many I'm sure I will come to in the coming months.
I want a boyfriend.
There. I said it.
I have said it.
Yeah, I said it.
I haven't really admitted it out loud for fear of sounding like some simpering female unable to cope with the world alone.
I'm done thinking that way.
I want a boyfriend.
And not just any boyfriend either.
Here's what any prospective cadidate has to look forward to in entering into a relationship with the Surly Girl.
1. As the above moniker suggests, I'm a little on the salty side. Actually, this is a given. If you're reading this and you don't understand that already, I'm sorry, we're doomed. (Doomed.)
2. I have some psychological issues. Who doesn't? The difference here is, I acknowledge them and actively do something about them. I have a therapist. Trust me people, you'd be much better off with someone who is aware of and working on their problems than someone who isn't. Seriously. People who aren't become abusive, manipulative, co-dependent, cheating, lying, mean, and ultimately grizzled. I may be surly. But I will be Good Goddamned before I get to Grizzled.
3. I am not a size 4. Nor am I a 6 or and 8. I've recently graduated to a 10. Which, in the grand scheme of things...seeing as how I'm 3-fucking-1, isn't too shabby. However, I will be embarking on a 2007 Resolution to get back down to my fighting weight.
4. I say fuck a lot.
5. I have a brother in the military. He has to like you. He has yet to like any of my past boyfriends. Well, except one. Because that guy was a genuinely nice guy, we just didn't fit anymore. So, yeah.
6. I have a past. I'm nearing 32 years old as I said before, and yes, there have been other guys. No, I won't tell you how many. That's none of your business because those past guys have nothing to do with us. Just as your past has nothing to do with us. I will not ask you how many women you've been with. I don't care. If you care, you are not the guy for me.
Ok, so them's the bad. Oh, I tend to put the bad first. It's a habit from being raised to be pessimistically hopeful. And here's the deal, anyone worth his salt (oh god the grizzled is upon me) would love me BECAUSE of these things. Not IN SPITE of.
But there's about a shitload of good to offset the bad. Which, really? Come on. The above pales when faced with the below:
1. I am, plainly stated, awesome. You will be hard pressed to find a woman who tolerates, nay, enjoys "guy stuff" more than I. I have 2 brothers. I'm the middle child. I'm bookended by boys. So, yes, I like beer, football, hunting, fishing, video games, beer, science fiction, dirty jokes, beer, golden tee, legos, classic muscle cars, and beer.
2. I am fiercely loyal. I am hard pressed to hate anyone. Sure, I can spew vitriol and vituperation with the best of them, but when it comes down to it, I really just want people to get along.
3. I communicate. I do not behave in a way that leaves you wondering, "What is going on in her head?" If I'm pissed at you, you'll hear about it. I feel that love is too important NOT to communicate about things.
4. I have great hair.
5. I'm in a band.
6. I'm extremely well read and intelligent. (see: vituperation) And always willing to learn more. So, if we were to get into a heated debate about something, I am absolutely open to reading about, or looking at new things that I may not have known before that affect my opinion.
7. I'm acually quite humble. This excercise is very hard for me.
8. I have fucking awesome friends. For real. They are the goddamned coolest people in the universe.
9. I throw great party...owing to #8.
10. I'm a pretty fantastic cook. I was trained by the best. Mom and dad. Two of the best cooks I know.
Ok, so there you have it. Or some of it. I don't know.
Maybe by this time next year I'll look back on this entry and say "Hey, honey, come here..check out my criteria...how do you measure up these days?"
Speaking of ... stay tuned. I'm going to do one of those "Looking back on '06" that all the kids on the Myspace are doing.
I suppose it's owing to the approach of winter and a general malaise that settles over me every year.
But I have come to a conclusion. One of many I'm sure I will come to in the coming months.
I want a boyfriend.
There. I said it.
I have said it.
Yeah, I said it.
I haven't really admitted it out loud for fear of sounding like some simpering female unable to cope with the world alone.
I'm done thinking that way.
I want a boyfriend.
And not just any boyfriend either.
Here's what any prospective cadidate has to look forward to in entering into a relationship with the Surly Girl.
1. As the above moniker suggests, I'm a little on the salty side. Actually, this is a given. If you're reading this and you don't understand that already, I'm sorry, we're doomed. (Doomed.)
2. I have some psychological issues. Who doesn't? The difference here is, I acknowledge them and actively do something about them. I have a therapist. Trust me people, you'd be much better off with someone who is aware of and working on their problems than someone who isn't. Seriously. People who aren't become abusive, manipulative, co-dependent, cheating, lying, mean, and ultimately grizzled. I may be surly. But I will be Good Goddamned before I get to Grizzled.
3. I am not a size 4. Nor am I a 6 or and 8. I've recently graduated to a 10. Which, in the grand scheme of things...seeing as how I'm 3-fucking-1, isn't too shabby. However, I will be embarking on a 2007 Resolution to get back down to my fighting weight.
4. I say fuck a lot.
5. I have a brother in the military. He has to like you. He has yet to like any of my past boyfriends. Well, except one. Because that guy was a genuinely nice guy, we just didn't fit anymore. So, yeah.
6. I have a past. I'm nearing 32 years old as I said before, and yes, there have been other guys. No, I won't tell you how many. That's none of your business because those past guys have nothing to do with us. Just as your past has nothing to do with us. I will not ask you how many women you've been with. I don't care. If you care, you are not the guy for me.
Ok, so them's the bad. Oh, I tend to put the bad first. It's a habit from being raised to be pessimistically hopeful. And here's the deal, anyone worth his salt (oh god the grizzled is upon me) would love me BECAUSE of these things. Not IN SPITE of.
But there's about a shitload of good to offset the bad. Which, really? Come on. The above pales when faced with the below:
1. I am, plainly stated, awesome. You will be hard pressed to find a woman who tolerates, nay, enjoys "guy stuff" more than I. I have 2 brothers. I'm the middle child. I'm bookended by boys. So, yes, I like beer, football, hunting, fishing, video games, beer, science fiction, dirty jokes, beer, golden tee, legos, classic muscle cars, and beer.
2. I am fiercely loyal. I am hard pressed to hate anyone. Sure, I can spew vitriol and vituperation with the best of them, but when it comes down to it, I really just want people to get along.
3. I communicate. I do not behave in a way that leaves you wondering, "What is going on in her head?" If I'm pissed at you, you'll hear about it. I feel that love is too important NOT to communicate about things.
4. I have great hair.
5. I'm in a band.
6. I'm extremely well read and intelligent. (see: vituperation) And always willing to learn more. So, if we were to get into a heated debate about something, I am absolutely open to reading about, or looking at new things that I may not have known before that affect my opinion.
7. I'm acually quite humble. This excercise is very hard for me.
8. I have fucking awesome friends. For real. They are the goddamned coolest people in the universe.
9. I throw great party...owing to #8.
10. I'm a pretty fantastic cook. I was trained by the best. Mom and dad. Two of the best cooks I know.
Ok, so there you have it. Or some of it. I don't know.
Maybe by this time next year I'll look back on this entry and say "Hey, honey, come here..check out my criteria...how do you measure up these days?"
Speaking of ... stay tuned. I'm going to do one of those "Looking back on '06" that all the kids on the Myspace are doing.
posted by LC Greenwood at 2:04 PM
3 Comments:
Hey, I'll apply for the boyfriend role if you're taking applications.
LoCo - you forgot a few things on your list of cool points:
1) You are an amazing person to be around. Even the silence is comfortable and welcoming.
2) You have a beautiful voice. I tried to do "Sunrise" at karaoke on Tuesday, and was so happy that you weren't there to hear me ruin it.
3) You have one of the most giving spirits of anyone I know. You never fail to stick your neck out there for the people you truly care about.
4) You're in my MyFaves! If that doesn't say something about you, I don't know what else I can do.
5) You are one of the greatest friends I have ever had, and I am so happy to know you.
See? what did I say about my friends?
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