Hey! Nothing Like An Existential Crisis to Get Your Afternoon Going.

Very rarely. And I mean VERY RARELY do I have what people would consider breakthroughs in therapy. But apparently, even I don't know all the secrets that lurks behind my psyche.
I unlocked a big one today.
And it was completely by accident.

It's as though a depth charge left floating since WW2 has detonated in my brain. And no longer makes any kind of sense but at the same time makes all the sense ever sensed in the world.

My lack of ambition.
My unsuccessful relationships
My less-than view of myself and my inability to think any differently—
all of it. I've found the why.

But in finding the why...oh, the cost. For now, I have never wondered more why in the holy hell I'm here in the first place (and please, refer to the title of this entry for where scope of what "Why I'm here" actually lies).
Because in the logic of life love and time it makes no goddamned sense. And truly, I've never felt more lost and and at the same time found.
For in discovering my lack of purpose, I've found reasons.
Which is just plain fucked.