So...
I realized something just now.
We are hiding.
We are all hiding.
Some of us...a lot of us seek therapy to find answers as to why our lives aren't working the way we thought they ought. We constantly analyze the reasons why. We come up with half truths.
"My mother was an alcoholic."
"My parents are divorced."
"I was abused as a child"
Whatever. Pick one.
And there are doctors out there who tell us that these conditions create conditions within us that cause us to make the decisions we make. To create the lives we live. And that facing these half truths will enable us to move past them and lead healthy, full lives.
Well.
As great and as helpful as therapy has been, it hasn't answered the questions and we're still thinking to ourselves...when the fuck does the pain end and the happiness begin? Or better, when can we feel pain and trust that it will pass and happiness will follow? When do we start looking at ourselves and feeling ok? When the hell do we make the jump to light speed. And how??
We realize that as we're sitting here drinking a second glass of crap ass wine after 3 beers that we are hiding. From WHAT?? What is there possibly to be afraid of? What could possibly be so awful about us that we can't face it head on?
Our last relationships are a places to hide. We hide behind being with someone. Yes, we loved him or her. But even our love ..it's a kind of hiding. We focus all our energy on another person to deflect the attention off us.
We know that a lot of our trouble is clinical. However, the medication is taking care of the irrational. This is rational. This is a puzzle that can be solved. Can't it?
And here's the voice in our heads:
"Grow the fuck up. Do your life. Quit fucking complaining. There are people out there with real goddamned problems. Yours pale in comparison."
Yes. They do. All the more reason to be really fucking goddamned angry with oursleves.
Such Narcissism, really.
We are hiding.
We are all hiding.
Some of us...a lot of us seek therapy to find answers as to why our lives aren't working the way we thought they ought. We constantly analyze the reasons why. We come up with half truths.
"My mother was an alcoholic."
"My parents are divorced."
"I was abused as a child"
Whatever. Pick one.
And there are doctors out there who tell us that these conditions create conditions within us that cause us to make the decisions we make. To create the lives we live. And that facing these half truths will enable us to move past them and lead healthy, full lives.
Well.
As great and as helpful as therapy has been, it hasn't answered the questions and we're still thinking to ourselves...when the fuck does the pain end and the happiness begin? Or better, when can we feel pain and trust that it will pass and happiness will follow? When do we start looking at ourselves and feeling ok? When the hell do we make the jump to light speed. And how??
We realize that as we're sitting here drinking a second glass of crap ass wine after 3 beers that we are hiding. From WHAT?? What is there possibly to be afraid of? What could possibly be so awful about us that we can't face it head on?
Our last relationships are a places to hide. We hide behind being with someone. Yes, we loved him or her. But even our love ..it's a kind of hiding. We focus all our energy on another person to deflect the attention off us.
We know that a lot of our trouble is clinical. However, the medication is taking care of the irrational. This is rational. This is a puzzle that can be solved. Can't it?
And here's the voice in our heads:
"Grow the fuck up. Do your life. Quit fucking complaining. There are people out there with real goddamned problems. Yours pale in comparison."
Yes. They do. All the more reason to be really fucking goddamned angry with oursleves.
Such Narcissism, really.
posted by LC Greenwood at 11:16 PM
4 Comments:
Schopenhauer, Arthur(1788–1860), German philosopher. According to his philosophy, as expressed in The World as Will and Idea (1818), the will is identified with ultimate reality and happiness is only achieved by abnegating the will (as desire).
Self denial makes no sense in creating happiness. It's illogical. It would seem to me that all that is accomplished by that method is creting a barrier of unhappiness against further unhappiness. No?
Consider:
Dispense with Desire and you are left, perhaps, with Peace. And, Acceptance.
What's more:
"There's the TV. It's all right there. Commercials. We are not productive anymore, they don't need us to make things anymore, it's all automated. What are we for then? We're consumers. Okay, buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen. But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, you know what? You're mentally ill! "--Jeffrey Goines (12 Monkeys)
yes. I see your point. I do find myself at peace when I'm not helplessly hoping and wanting and needing.
There is power in the absence of desire.
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