Vegemite: Not Fun Like the Song Would Suggest

So, I'm sitting in the "DVD Room" at the Hostel (which, by the way, smelled like the bottom of a gym bag), with another dude from New Mexico and an Australian girl walks in.
To the guy:
Her: Oh hey! Did you want to try some vegemite now? I'm checkin' out, so I can fix you some before I leave.
Him: Oh yeah! That'd be great!
Me: (Thought bubble) Hey, I've only heard about that stuff in songs... I think I'd like to try some.
Me: (Out loud) Hey, I've only heard about that stuff in songs... do you think it'd be ok if I had some?
Her: (Very excited) Absolutely!!

So, she goes downstairs to bring us some of the fabled Australian delicacy.
"He just smiled and gave me a..."

Her: Here we go! Now, normally, we have this with butter, but there isn't any, so, we'll just put a little on this toast. I love this stuff. I eat it everyday. It's very good for you. It's got all kinds of good things for you in it. It's my absolute favorite. Wait til you taste it. It's like heaven in a tube. (yeah, a tube).

Me: What is it exactly?

Her: It's a yeast extract. But it is so good. Here. (to the guy)

Him: (taking a bite) hmm... this is really good. I'm really enjoying this! Wow. Mmmm!

Her: See? I told you. It's the best. It's the bestest best thing that's ever been the best thing in the world! Oops, I put a little too much on here...I'll make you another one. Ok, get ready for heaven in your face! Here you go.

"He just smiled and gave me a..."
I take a bite and quickly regret everything in my life up until that point. Everything that had possibly contributed to this moment.
"He just smiled and gave me a fucking-liquid-rubber-tires-covered-in-SALTY-oil-and-road-debris-sandwich..."
the taste exploded over my tongue and wouldn't let go. The only saving grace was the bread that mopped up most of the mess in my mouth.

Her: Well? What do you think? Isn't it incredibly incredible???

Me: (Just not having the heart to be honest and tell her that Satan had just taken a dump in my mouth.) Mmm... it's good. Yeah. It's interesting..

I then quickly rolled up the rest of the bread in a ball to cover up the brownish black sludge, popped the whole thing in my mouth, chewed just enough not to choke myself into a heimlich incident and swallowed.

Her: Yeah, most people only put a little on their bread, but I usually just eat it straight from the tube.

Whereupon she squeezed out a dollop of the paste on to her finger and put it in her mouth.

I threw up a little in my mouth. Which was a vast improvement to what was going on in there at the time.

Her: D'you want s'more?

Me: No...thanks, I actually had dinner. So, I'm full. But thanks for sharing with me. Can't wait to tell my mates back home!

Her: You can get it at Australian shops in the US. You should buy some and have them try it! Ok, well, I'm gonna take my favorite snack ever and check out. Nice meeting you both!!


For the next 2 days, everything I ate finished with a hint of exhaust. Seriously. It tastes like everything environmentally unsound about automobiles.

Fun Fact: Vegemite is what's leftover after they brew beer. For those playing along at home, it's the brownish black shit that is left behind. A by-product. Garbage.

Damn you Men at Work. Damn you straight to Hell.