The Day After Tomorrow...
I leave for LA. For my Birthday. Another birthday.
I decided that this year I would get the hell out of Dodge, and create a completely different memory of turning one year older.
Last year I turned 30. There was a great party thrown.
This year I'm single.
And I'm happy about it.
I'm going to be 31.
Christ in the sky. 31. Where did it all go?
We spend (or I least I did) so many years growing up as fast as we possibly can...chasing some vision of "What we didn't have growing up but will have when we are adults".
Have I found it? Have you?
I thought I'd have a couple kids by now. Married, with a house. And a dog.
Nope.
Not that I'm complaining too much. I suppose the only setback, though, is a sense of incompleteness. That somehow, I haven't started my life yet.
The shitter is, and I've said it before, I have. We have. This is it. Make no mistake where you are...
Ah! Yacht Rock. Where have you been all my life?
But I digress...
I still walk around with an "if this, then that" mentality about my life.
And am I doing ok?
Are my parents proud of me?
Does it even matter anymore?
I'm spending the weekend with my Dad. Once upon a time we were really close. Not so much anymore. What happened? Are we on some delayed Dad/Daughter-relationship-time-continuum set by the limited days we've had together? Is our relationship measured in "Divorce Years" in manner of Dog Years? So that if you mushed all the days together, I'm really only 16 and we've started the "I don't know who the fuck you are anymore" portion of our time together?
I'm here to tell you, (in my infinite and egocentric wisdom) that there is nothing worse than looking at your parents and realizing that they are people. And not necessarily the people you'd choose to hang out with now that you've developed your own Values, Attitudes, and Beliefs (VABS according to Professor Paulus). For serious. Now, my mother and I have already been through this and back. She and I have an understanding. This, based on years of top-of-our-lungs fighting and her realization that I outweighed her by 15 lbs. and could in fact HURT her if she tried to hit me in anger. She and I are peas and carrotts.
My father and I are behind the times. I never raised my voice to him (except one time) until 2 summers ago. I never confronted him as an adult with my feelings. Now that I have, it seems he looks at me differently. Perhaps he feels a certain amount of "where'd my little girl go"? I know I feel an empty space where that innocent, blind, hero-worship of my father once was.
I was 29 when he toppled from that pedestal.
When does it happen for everyone else?
Maybe now is the time I discover and really start believing that, in fact,
Dudes ain't shit
And I can definitely survive and thrive on my own...
Christ. Are the two even related?
I decided that this year I would get the hell out of Dodge, and create a completely different memory of turning one year older.
Last year I turned 30. There was a great party thrown.
This year I'm single.
And I'm happy about it.
I'm going to be 31.
Christ in the sky. 31. Where did it all go?
We spend (or I least I did) so many years growing up as fast as we possibly can...chasing some vision of "What we didn't have growing up but will have when we are adults".
Have I found it? Have you?
I thought I'd have a couple kids by now. Married, with a house. And a dog.
Nope.
Not that I'm complaining too much. I suppose the only setback, though, is a sense of incompleteness. That somehow, I haven't started my life yet.
The shitter is, and I've said it before, I have. We have. This is it. Make no mistake where you are...
Ah! Yacht Rock. Where have you been all my life?
But I digress...
I still walk around with an "if this, then that" mentality about my life.
And am I doing ok?
Are my parents proud of me?
Does it even matter anymore?
I'm spending the weekend with my Dad. Once upon a time we were really close. Not so much anymore. What happened? Are we on some delayed Dad/Daughter-relationship-time-continuum set by the limited days we've had together? Is our relationship measured in "Divorce Years" in manner of Dog Years? So that if you mushed all the days together, I'm really only 16 and we've started the "I don't know who the fuck you are anymore" portion of our time together?
I'm here to tell you, (in my infinite and egocentric wisdom) that there is nothing worse than looking at your parents and realizing that they are people. And not necessarily the people you'd choose to hang out with now that you've developed your own Values, Attitudes, and Beliefs (VABS according to Professor Paulus). For serious. Now, my mother and I have already been through this and back. She and I have an understanding. This, based on years of top-of-our-lungs fighting and her realization that I outweighed her by 15 lbs. and could in fact HURT her if she tried to hit me in anger. She and I are peas and carrotts.
My father and I are behind the times. I never raised my voice to him (except one time) until 2 summers ago. I never confronted him as an adult with my feelings. Now that I have, it seems he looks at me differently. Perhaps he feels a certain amount of "where'd my little girl go"? I know I feel an empty space where that innocent, blind, hero-worship of my father once was.
I was 29 when he toppled from that pedestal.
When does it happen for everyone else?
Maybe now is the time I discover and really start believing that, in fact,
Dudes ain't shit
And I can definitely survive and thrive on my own...
Christ. Are the two even related?
posted by LC Greenwood at 3:48 PM
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