Hmmm. A Discovery

It occurred to me in an early-morning fit of absolute rage that there is/was a reason for my promiscuity and inability to say "no".

Until and through my adolescence I walked the earth thinking that I was ugly. It's what I was told by my peers. Those helpful little scamps never let me forget how I looked, smelled, whathaveyou. Thanks guys! You're the greatest! As a result, when it came time for boys to start looking at me the way boys do after they wake up with their sheets...awry, I was taken by complete surprise when they did, in fact, start looking at me the way boys do...I panicked. I thought that each boy who took a shine to me would be the LAST boy to take a shine to me. So, I never said no. Well, rarely. Any male attention was good attention. A is for Abandonment Issues. Oh! And even when I knew that this boy or the next would NOT be the last, I STILL couldn't say no because I knew how awful being rejected felt. O is for Over-Abundance of Empathy.

So, here I am, almost 31 years old. 20 minutes before I leave for therapy with an cache of topics to discuss. I suppose I should thank the source of my early-morning-rage-catalyst. Thank you for helping me remember this little nugget of joy.