Stupid Ladybusiness

Seriously. Every couple of months I can tell whether or not it would be very wise to double up on the contraception.
How do I know?
By the searing ripping pain that attacks whichever side is releasing a fertility bomb.
This month, it's on the right side. So to the untrained feeler, it can be mistaken for an appendix attack.
Yes, it hurts that much, and yes, I've gone to the emergency room a couple of times for it.
So, I'm home today because it hurts to walk.
I have no advil.
It's raining.