Well...
Guy Who Bites back got double crossed by the other henchmen and he's since been stabbed by rebar and tossed into the lake whereupon he met his destiny in the jaws of the shark. Gladly.
"Vengeance is mine! It's payback time! Little man walks tall!" cliches the other henchman right before the oil rig blows up AGAIN.
Some other highlights before I get to my moving.
We saw (in no particular order because it makes no goddamned difference):
a completely inappropriate pseudo-rape fantasy seduction scene between Guy Who Bites Back and Smart Blonde Girl.
Mr. Diamond Phillips carried away by the shark via his scuba tank.
Grizzled Hirsuit and Apparently Devout Cajun Assistant admit he can't swim...even though he's been a fishman for 20 years. IRONY!
Smart Blonde and MDP share a reconcilliary moment. (Oh, did I mention they were married at some point in the past but they've been estranged and she came to ask for his help in her geological study because "he's the best"...at what I have no idea.
The shark grow exponetially larger each time it appears.
The oil rig blow up twice.
Smart Blonde's boobs threatened seductively by a knife.
Smart Blonde inexplicably raised on a crane in some sort of attempt to get her off the rig which is about to blow again....I guess???
The oil rig blow up a third and final time soley to get MDP into the water. Again. Also, he's the only one in a sleeveless wetsuit. You know, to show off his "guns".
The black henchman wrestle with the shark over the rusted locked lock box (which is what they've been after the whole time)...it opens, money pours out, and he actually goes for the money and then gets eaten.
Um, and the most incredible and horror movie killing of a shark ever. The rig, which had blown up 3 times.,...apparently still has a working drill. So, what do they do? While trapped conveniently in the drill bay, they turn the drill on, and when the shark leaps VERTICALLY they sink the drill into his mouth and TURN IT ON! I swear to god it was like watching Phantasm. Oh, and also the lake/river is apparently 20 miles deep because we watch the dril and the shark go down at least that far.
Closing thoughts:
MDP: (Broodingly) "Wonder if that reward still stands"
SB: "Don't see why not"
Grizzled Hirsuit and Apparently Devout Cajun who theorized earlier that the shark was God's punishment for Greed: (while holding a shark tooth taken from MDP's foot) Maybe we should let the spirit of Black Cove rest, eh?"
And then he throws the shark tooth in to the water. Where it sinks. For 20 miles.
I have to pack.
"Vengeance is mine! It's payback time! Little man walks tall!" cliches the other henchman right before the oil rig blows up AGAIN.
Some other highlights before I get to my moving.
We saw (in no particular order because it makes no goddamned difference):
a completely inappropriate pseudo-rape fantasy seduction scene between Guy Who Bites Back and Smart Blonde Girl.
Mr. Diamond Phillips carried away by the shark via his scuba tank.
Grizzled Hirsuit and Apparently Devout Cajun Assistant admit he can't swim...even though he's been a fishman for 20 years. IRONY!
Smart Blonde and MDP share a reconcilliary moment. (Oh, did I mention they were married at some point in the past but they've been estranged and she came to ask for his help in her geological study because "he's the best"...at what I have no idea.
The shark grow exponetially larger each time it appears.
The oil rig blow up twice.
Smart Blonde's boobs threatened seductively by a knife.
Smart Blonde inexplicably raised on a crane in some sort of attempt to get her off the rig which is about to blow again....I guess???
The oil rig blow up a third and final time soley to get MDP into the water. Again. Also, he's the only one in a sleeveless wetsuit. You know, to show off his "guns".
The black henchman wrestle with the shark over the rusted locked lock box (which is what they've been after the whole time)...it opens, money pours out, and he actually goes for the money and then gets eaten.
Um, and the most incredible and horror movie killing of a shark ever. The rig, which had blown up 3 times.,...apparently still has a working drill. So, what do they do? While trapped conveniently in the drill bay, they turn the drill on, and when the shark leaps VERTICALLY they sink the drill into his mouth and TURN IT ON! I swear to god it was like watching Phantasm. Oh, and also the lake/river is apparently 20 miles deep because we watch the dril and the shark go down at least that far.
Closing thoughts:
MDP: (Broodingly) "Wonder if that reward still stands"
SB: "Don't see why not"
Grizzled Hirsuit and Apparently Devout Cajun who theorized earlier that the shark was God's punishment for Greed: (while holding a shark tooth taken from MDP's foot) Maybe we should let the spirit of Black Cove rest, eh?"
And then he throws the shark tooth in to the water. Where it sinks. For 20 miles.
I have to pack.
posted by LC Greenwood at 10:37 AM
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