Man Vs. Wild

So, Bear, the host of this awesome show was "lost in the Everglades" last night.
For the most part when I watch this show, I think,
"Well, thanks to dreamy Bear, I think I can survive and even navigate myself out of most stranded situations."
Not so with last night's episode.
Aside from knee deep water EVERYWHERE, when one gets lost in the Everglades, here's what one has to look forward to:

Mosquitos and Chiggers of epically Biblical proportions.
Knee Deep Water. Everywhere.
Snakes.
Alligators.
Sink Holes (although, thanks to Bear, I know how to get out of one of those now. Always carry a stick, people.)
Foot Rot. And yes, this is exactly what it sounds like.
Having to fashion a treehouse of sorts for shelter due to the inability to lay down in the KNEE DEEP WATER, that's EVERYWHERE.
Nothing but bugs (grubs) and frogs to eat. Unless you're fortunate enough to catch a turtle. Because baby Alligators are a protected species. Because apparently survival takes a backseat to conservation. Um, yeah.
Did I mention rattlesnakes? Like, the bigass ones that don't live anywhere else in America?
Sawgrass. Yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.
And finally, KNEE DEEP WATER EVERYWHERE.

For serious. Stay the hell out of the Everglades. Nothing good can come of that place.