Because I know I have SO many readers...

Sorry about the lag in entries... took the day off on Friday due to Migraines and late nite conversations...

On Saturday night after a couple glasses of wine I realized I needed some cigarettes. So, I put on my brown velour hoodie and started the walk up to my ghetto liquor store. As I was walking, I had this moment of clarity. It was raining. And I was walking. And I said to myself: "This is my life. I'm walking to the store. Because I decided to. Everything in my life is my choice. And that's ok."

I also realize that I'm still very angry with my most recent ex. I think I've been working very hard to get better and be over him because I know that's what I have to do. As a result I've managed to avoid and delay reactions to what's happened. I've taken to ignoring the feelings when they come up.
Don't think about it.
It's just going to hurt too much.
You'll just want to call him.
So, I don't. I don't cry about him anymore. There's a part of my that's worried about that. Because I can feel this spot inside that's not healed...but I've gotten really good at tying off those spots so the bleeding stops pretty quickly. But maybe it needs to be bled again.

Whatever. I don't know. I just move forward as fast as I can. But then again... maybe in my race to move ahead I'm just avoiding what's actually going on inside me. Maybe that's my next step. To actually sit with myself and look at and actually feel my life as it relates to me and not hid behind what I get from other people.

Something to think about...