Is There Actually a Point?

Maybe it's my own irrational response to loss. But, these days, as "F-U Day" draws nigh, I am driven to examine the sense of love and relationships. In the past 6 months I've seen 2 marriages dissolve (one after 25 years) and 2 perfectly good relationships come to a meaningless end. What's it all for? You meet someone, you fall in love, and right there you have relinquished control of the outcome of things. You are at the mercy of that person's whims to stay or go.

As I said, I'm aware of my own irrational fear and response to loss. But, I don't think I can handle another morning after a breakup with someone I loved. That emptiness just takes too long to fill up.

They say, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Yeah, sure. I was in love. Yay! I've been in love. But it's GONE. I'd rather not have experienced all that. I'd be a lot more hopeful. I'd still trust.

I admire the courage of the next man who I let to come into my life. I also pity him.
But maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm meant ot be alone for a long time so that I grow a little of my heart back and get rid of some of the blackness that's creeped in.