Pain
Oh dear sweet Baby Jesus. SERIOUSLY.
Here I am double over at my desk waiting for the Advil to kick in.
It feels like burning, my lower half.
I know I talk about my "magical woman time" a lot. But please understand, because of the varying degrees of pain I feel each month, it's a big part of my life.
Every muscle in my body is aching from being clenched against the pain.
The Advil helps.
Thank God it's today and not tomorrow.
There's no dancing through this pain.
IN other news...
I had me some therapy this week. I go every 2, and sometimes I feel like I'm really accomplishing something, and other times, it just feels like a total wash. But this week, I walked away with a task. Well, two really...in one.
The Letting Go we talked about earlier this month and within that, not working so hard in relationships with the boys.
Let me 'splain.
No, is too much, let me sum up...
Basically, what happens is, if I manage to get myself involved with someone to the point where we are "dating" read: a couple, I embark on a mission:
OPERATION WORK AS HARD AS GODDAMNED POSSIBLE TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK
I'm quite good at it.
To a point.
And this is what I learned this week.
I do not need to work so hard because it's only as effective as the other party's committment to the relationship allows it to be.
'The Fuck?
In other words, it is quite possible that my complete and committed willingness to approach a relationship in a COMPLETELY open manner (this means working out problems thoroughly, being completely honest about feelings all the time, and actively finding solutions to problems) might be a bit "off-putting" to certain people. Which isn't to say that I need to change per-se. What it means is, that my committed willingness might be a sign of holding on too tight and working too damn hard.
So.
And dammit, Les, you said this to me 3 or 4 years ago in your old place when we were having a Lifetime morning and I was obsessing about motorcycle guy:
I need to let the other person drive once in a while.
And not for them.
For me.
So that I don't have a nervous breakdown by the time I'm 35.
How's that for coming full circle??
It's going to be very difficult for me to do this. I'm a problem solver. Who am I kidding? I'm a goddamned problem magnet.
And I'll tell you...a couple weeks ago, when talking to an ex (The Douche) and he revealed some career stuff to me, I felt myself slip IMMEDIATELY into "Let's figure this issue out. How can I advise him?"
AND WE'RE NOT EVEN DATING ANYMORE.
So. No more. Well, hopefully less and less, as this is a 31 year old habit.
It's time to sit in the passenger seat, with my legs up and barefeet out the window doing 65 down the interstate.
I think we can all agree that THAT feels pretty damn good.
Here I am double over at my desk waiting for the Advil to kick in.
It feels like burning, my lower half.
I know I talk about my "magical woman time" a lot. But please understand, because of the varying degrees of pain I feel each month, it's a big part of my life.
Every muscle in my body is aching from being clenched against the pain.
The Advil helps.
Thank God it's today and not tomorrow.
There's no dancing through this pain.
IN other news...
I had me some therapy this week. I go every 2, and sometimes I feel like I'm really accomplishing something, and other times, it just feels like a total wash. But this week, I walked away with a task. Well, two really...in one.
The Letting Go we talked about earlier this month and within that, not working so hard in relationships with the boys.
Let me 'splain.
No, is too much, let me sum up...
Basically, what happens is, if I manage to get myself involved with someone to the point where we are "dating" read: a couple, I embark on a mission:
OPERATION WORK AS HARD AS GODDAMNED POSSIBLE TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK
I'm quite good at it.
To a point.
And this is what I learned this week.
I do not need to work so hard because it's only as effective as the other party's committment to the relationship allows it to be.
'The Fuck?
In other words, it is quite possible that my complete and committed willingness to approach a relationship in a COMPLETELY open manner (this means working out problems thoroughly, being completely honest about feelings all the time, and actively finding solutions to problems) might be a bit "off-putting" to certain people. Which isn't to say that I need to change per-se. What it means is, that my committed willingness might be a sign of holding on too tight and working too damn hard.
So.
And dammit, Les, you said this to me 3 or 4 years ago in your old place when we were having a Lifetime morning and I was obsessing about motorcycle guy:
I need to let the other person drive once in a while.
And not for them.
For me.
So that I don't have a nervous breakdown by the time I'm 35.
How's that for coming full circle??
It's going to be very difficult for me to do this. I'm a problem solver. Who am I kidding? I'm a goddamned problem magnet.
And I'll tell you...a couple weeks ago, when talking to an ex (The Douche) and he revealed some career stuff to me, I felt myself slip IMMEDIATELY into "Let's figure this issue out. How can I advise him?"
AND WE'RE NOT EVEN DATING ANYMORE.
So. No more. Well, hopefully less and less, as this is a 31 year old habit.
It's time to sit in the passenger seat, with my legs up and barefeet out the window doing 65 down the interstate.
I think we can all agree that THAT feels pretty damn good.
posted by LC Greenwood at 11:33 AM
1 Comments:
Another thing that you need to realize, too, is that problems in a relationship aren't always your fault, and so aren't always yours to fix. Sometimes significant others go through their own shit - and it's up to them to work it out for themselves. Relationships are supposed to be fun, that's why we seek them out so regularly. They take work, I grant you that, but they are supposed to be fun. So have fun!
Post a Comment
<< Home