An Insight
I think the reason all this divorce and betrayal is so abhorrent to me, is that when I was a little girl, I decided that the divorce and betrayal I experienced couldn't possibly exist when I grew up.
Easy to believe when you were one of 3 kids in your class with divorced parents and singled out for a special class designed to help us cope.
So, growing up I knew that I would one day get for myself all the things I was denied as a child.
I was so sure, in fact, that I breezed through highschool and college not really caring about my education because I was positive that I'd be getting married and having babies, so what did I need to get all aggressive about a career for?
Ah, rude awakenings are just that. Rude.
I cried today. Cried for the relationships I've seen end. Cried mostly for my nephew. Down to the very core of me I never want him to feel even remotely close to how I felt growing up. Not knowing what comes next. Not trusting that my parents would be there whenever I needed them. The rejection of it all.
Because ultimately, that's what it feels like. It feels as though your whole world has been rejected by the people who created it. And everything that was important to you is suddenly unimportant to them.
Even though they tell you differently.
They tell you that everything will be ok. And sometimes it is.
Mostly it isn't though. At least, that's what it feels like.
The rules constantly change. There are no boundaries, and screw promises.
I honestly thought that when I grew up, feelings and situations like this wouldn't exist. Because I thought that we would have learned from our parents' mistakes and done everything in our power to create a different reality for ourselves.
Easy to believe when you were one of 3 kids in your class with divorced parents and singled out for a special class designed to help us cope.
So, growing up I knew that I would one day get for myself all the things I was denied as a child.
I was so sure, in fact, that I breezed through highschool and college not really caring about my education because I was positive that I'd be getting married and having babies, so what did I need to get all aggressive about a career for?
Ah, rude awakenings are just that. Rude.
I cried today. Cried for the relationships I've seen end. Cried mostly for my nephew. Down to the very core of me I never want him to feel even remotely close to how I felt growing up. Not knowing what comes next. Not trusting that my parents would be there whenever I needed them. The rejection of it all.
Because ultimately, that's what it feels like. It feels as though your whole world has been rejected by the people who created it. And everything that was important to you is suddenly unimportant to them.
Even though they tell you differently.
They tell you that everything will be ok. And sometimes it is.
Mostly it isn't though. At least, that's what it feels like.
The rules constantly change. There are no boundaries, and screw promises.
I honestly thought that when I grew up, feelings and situations like this wouldn't exist. Because I thought that we would have learned from our parents' mistakes and done everything in our power to create a different reality for ourselves.
posted by LC Greenwood at 2:38 PM
1 Comments:
Gratefully never had to experience those feelings, but they're the main reason I signed on for that project.
Sad. A dumb book doesn't compare to an parent's understanding hug, being treated as if your opinion matters, not being used as a bargaining chip, and having some structure.
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