Thoughts on All My Children
...and soaps in general. And nothing helps avoid thinking about my dying grandfather more than...well, just about anything.
So, here goes.
So, I'm at the nail salon (and I use the word "salon" loosely) and they've got All My Children tuned in up there on the TV box.
And it gave me pause. For the following reasons.
-Um, why is it that trauma experienced by Soap Opera Women can only be solved by some kind of amateur hypnosis creepily administered by her husband/boyfriend/former lover?
-Do soap opera toddlers require years of therapy from all the abandonment they experience from plotline to plotline?
-To that end, ever notice how overcompensate-y soap parents get when talking to their toddler counterparts? As if to say "Look at me totally ACT LIKE THIS CHILD IS MINE!!!!!!"
-Also, what parent lets their kid DO soap opera work??
Director: "Okay Dylan, We're ready for you."
Kid: "My name's Mark."
Director: "Yeah ok, whatever. Ok, in this scene you're really scared because your daddy is leaving mommy and she's just got into a car accident when she got caught in a MegaTornado and no one can find her body>"
Mark: "What?????? I'm 3." (Sobs uncontrollably)
Director: And Action.
-Why is Tad Martin constantly hanging out in places where he needs to rescue/defend the honor of the women of Pine Valley ie at the Hospital/Police Station/Evacuation Center?
-How is Opal still on the show and why is SHE always in the hospital to administer quirky but motherly southern advice to men scared about the survival of their wives/estranged wives/children of their recently deceased wives?
-Do they really think this newfangled 35mm treatment on the tape actually lends legitimacy to the "drama" unfolding? If anything, the "realistic" filter magnifies the absolute ridiculosity of the tornado EVERYONE in town got hurt in.
-Does Susan Lucci even eat anymore?
-Does the chick playing Kendall?
-Oh, Angie and Jessie. You token black couple, you.
-Multiple Personality Disorder? One of the rarest and most difficult to diagnose disorders ever? Again?
Sigh.
It was so uncomfortable to watch. But more uncomfortable to realize that I ate this shit up, once upon a time.
And used to tape it.
Don't you judge me.
So, here goes.
So, I'm at the nail salon (and I use the word "salon" loosely) and they've got All My Children tuned in up there on the TV box.
And it gave me pause. For the following reasons.
-Um, why is it that trauma experienced by Soap Opera Women can only be solved by some kind of amateur hypnosis creepily administered by her husband/boyfriend/former lover?
-Do soap opera toddlers require years of therapy from all the abandonment they experience from plotline to plotline?
-To that end, ever notice how overcompensate-y soap parents get when talking to their toddler counterparts? As if to say "Look at me totally ACT LIKE THIS CHILD IS MINE!!!!!!"
-Also, what parent lets their kid DO soap opera work??
Director: "Okay Dylan, We're ready for you."
Kid: "My name's Mark."
Director: "Yeah ok, whatever. Ok, in this scene you're really scared because your daddy is leaving mommy and she's just got into a car accident when she got caught in a MegaTornado and no one can find her body>"
Mark: "What?????? I'm 3." (Sobs uncontrollably)
Director: And Action.
-Why is Tad Martin constantly hanging out in places where he needs to rescue/defend the honor of the women of Pine Valley ie at the Hospital/Police Station/Evacuation Center?
-How is Opal still on the show and why is SHE always in the hospital to administer quirky but motherly southern advice to men scared about the survival of their wives/estranged wives/children of their recently deceased wives?
-Do they really think this newfangled 35mm treatment on the tape actually lends legitimacy to the "drama" unfolding? If anything, the "realistic" filter magnifies the absolute ridiculosity of the tornado EVERYONE in town got hurt in.
-Does Susan Lucci even eat anymore?
-Does the chick playing Kendall?
-Oh, Angie and Jessie. You token black couple, you.
-Multiple Personality Disorder? One of the rarest and most difficult to diagnose disorders ever? Again?
Sigh.
It was so uncomfortable to watch. But more uncomfortable to realize that I ate this shit up, once upon a time.
And used to tape it.
Don't you judge me.
posted by LC Greenwood at 1:59 PM
1 Comments:
I *wish* I could remember what special this was, but the dude who plays Roman/John Black on Days of Our Lives actually called the overly dramatic faces they make the "Smelled a Fart" face. It's SO TRUE. Ah, soaps. Why do they leave us feeling so dirty?
Post a Comment
<< Home