Paternity Tests Shouldn't Be So Difficult
There's a moment in the morning when I explode in an absolute panic.
The moment I hear:
"BEEEP.... you're NOT the father."
...and it's a mad fucking scramble to change the channel.
Goddamned Maury Fucking Pauvich.
Apparently, there are women who have had upwards of 13 paternity tests in an effort to discover the identity of the man who "IS THE FATHER."
Ok, um, last I checked, doctors are pretty good at determining when conception PROBABLY happened. It's usually a 3-4 day window if I'm not mistaken. So, one can, with good authority, determine the day when the seed was planted.
Therefore, THIRTEEN paternity test begs the question:
How many men are these women having sex with in one day?
I mean, has there just been a rush on gang-bangs of late?
These are the mysteries of my universe.
The moment I hear:
"BEEEP.... you're NOT the father."
...and it's a mad fucking scramble to change the channel.
Goddamned Maury Fucking Pauvich.
Apparently, there are women who have had upwards of 13 paternity tests in an effort to discover the identity of the man who "IS THE FATHER."
Ok, um, last I checked, doctors are pretty good at determining when conception PROBABLY happened. It's usually a 3-4 day window if I'm not mistaken. So, one can, with good authority, determine the day when the seed was planted.
Therefore, THIRTEEN paternity test begs the question:
How many men are these women having sex with in one day?
I mean, has there just been a rush on gang-bangs of late?
These are the mysteries of my universe.
posted by LC Greenwood at 10:03 AM
2 Comments:
I have a client who loves to watch talk shows, and we joke with him about his love of "trash TV". He will quote Steve Wilcos and Maury and Jerry. It's hysterical to hear him say, "You are NOT the father".
My grandma spent the last couple years of her life with nothing to do all day... week after week, month after month (besides the countless hours we spent getting her out of the house on invented errands.)
Knowing she watched that shit day after day - Maury in particular, makes me glad she's gone.
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