Why am I so Bitter?

As I move through my days as I always do, I am aware of the large chip I carry on my shoulder. It's always been there. Much like a backpack, purse, or any other satchel I happen to be schlepping around with me at any given time. I'm pretty used to it, however it occurs to me that to some it might be off-putting. People may take my cynicism and quickness to jump to the negativity as having something to do with them...and then they take offense. And 90% of the time, I'm not yelling at a specific person. I'm yelling at the Universe at Large. And then asked myself... "why am I always yelling at the Universe? How come I can't be more positive, or why aren't I most of the time?" and then my therapist hit it:

"Well, your upbringing caused you disappointments very early in your development. So, consequently, you pretty much expect to be disappointed and that's cynicism."

Think about that for a second. When I was a child, I learned that disappointment and mistrust are normal and often. and I thought to myself, well, that's just not right. No WONDER I'm so pissed. I've been dissollusioned since I was 2 years old! That's 28 years! Most people don't start hating the world until their 20's when they figure out that reality really does bite and they're never going to be a pro-ball player, an astronaut or a princess.

This, I've decided is why I feel so old all the time. I have a 50 year old outlook on the world.

Well, the bright side: There's not too much more that can faze me.

Except death of a loved one. That's the one thing I haven't been through yet.