A Bad Shopping Day Turns Good
There is nothing worse...well, of course I exaggerate...there's plenty worse. But fuck it, having a bad shopping day can bring on a depression the likes of which I cannot even explain to you.
The scenario:
I am singing with my band this week. (That's right. My band. I'm in a band. I'm a rockstar. I'm so gay.) We have a gig at a really well known venue. It's a competition. And well, simply put, I'd like to look amazing. And cool. And hip! So, I thought, I'll head on over to H&M. Great prices and some really cute things.
For flat-chested 13 year olds.
Ok, now I'm no buxom hourglass type. I'm a very respectable 34C. Many of you know how I feel about my rack.
I go to try on some of these dresses, and I kid you not. There are no darts put in for boobs. What the fuck??? Everything fit perfectly otherwise. Then, as I looked in the mirror, I take a look at the backs of my arms, which I don't normally do, and let's just say starting tonight, it's 30 push ups a night. My fucking God.
SIDEBAR: I'm watching Prison Break right now. And, I gotta say, while the directing and production are really good, but Christ in the sky are some of these actors AWFUL. Who told that chick from Thirtysomething she could get back on TV??
Anyway. So, I got to about 3 more stores and each one is more depressing than the last. I begin to fear that I've grown so huge that nothing will ever look good on me again and that I should just stay home in a mu-mu in manner of Homer Simpson.
This, unfortunately is not an option as I don't own a mu-mu.
Alright, so flash forward to after work and I think "I'll hit Marshall's...just in case."
BINGO!
I found 2 dresses.
and a pair of kick ass shoes.
I spent less than 100 bucks.
Now I just gotta decide which one to wear.
K, it's time for those fucking pushups.
The scenario:
I am singing with my band this week. (That's right. My band. I'm in a band. I'm a rockstar. I'm so gay.) We have a gig at a really well known venue. It's a competition. And well, simply put, I'd like to look amazing. And cool. And hip! So, I thought, I'll head on over to H&M. Great prices and some really cute things.
For flat-chested 13 year olds.
Ok, now I'm no buxom hourglass type. I'm a very respectable 34C. Many of you know how I feel about my rack.
I go to try on some of these dresses, and I kid you not. There are no darts put in for boobs. What the fuck??? Everything fit perfectly otherwise. Then, as I looked in the mirror, I take a look at the backs of my arms, which I don't normally do, and let's just say starting tonight, it's 30 push ups a night. My fucking God.
SIDEBAR: I'm watching Prison Break right now. And, I gotta say, while the directing and production are really good, but Christ in the sky are some of these actors AWFUL. Who told that chick from Thirtysomething she could get back on TV??
Anyway. So, I got to about 3 more stores and each one is more depressing than the last. I begin to fear that I've grown so huge that nothing will ever look good on me again and that I should just stay home in a mu-mu in manner of Homer Simpson.
This, unfortunately is not an option as I don't own a mu-mu.
Alright, so flash forward to after work and I think "I'll hit Marshall's...just in case."
BINGO!
I found 2 dresses.
and a pair of kick ass shoes.
I spent less than 100 bucks.
Now I just gotta decide which one to wear.
K, it's time for those fucking pushups.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home