It Occurs to Me...
That last night's post was about as personal as I've gotten in about 2 years. (I say that because come January would have been 2 years for me and the Douche.) We fought one night over the content of these pages.
It wasn't so much that I had written about the things I'd written about...more that I even had these things to write about.
He questioned exactly what I questioned last night. And then asked himself whether he could do better.
I do have self respect. I just have no conditioned response mechanism. In other words, I'd electrocute myself trying to get to the cheese. Repeatedly.
That is not my point.
My point is that I've written something fiercely personal. And I'm a little afraid of how it will make me look. I never felt like that before him. I was pretty comfortable with my foibles and pratfalls and fuckupery.
I've been tempted to delete it.
But no. The risk is letting it shine out there.
This is me.
I am flawed.
It wasn't so much that I had written about the things I'd written about...more that I even had these things to write about.
He questioned exactly what I questioned last night. And then asked himself whether he could do better.
I do have self respect. I just have no conditioned response mechanism. In other words, I'd electrocute myself trying to get to the cheese. Repeatedly.
That is not my point.
My point is that I've written something fiercely personal. And I'm a little afraid of how it will make me look. I never felt like that before him. I was pretty comfortable with my foibles and pratfalls and fuckupery.
I've been tempted to delete it.
But no. The risk is letting it shine out there.
This is me.
I am flawed.
posted by LC Greenwood at 11:12 AM
2 Comments:
At the risk of coming off crass, I wanted to add to my previous comment that your last post was a little gem of writing. Chucky P. would applaud you. Excise those demons in your art, and you WILL heal. I promise you, and so would Chucky P. It's the stories we DON'T tell that kill us.
We are all flawed. But we all have strength. And we all look for things in the wrong places, and we look for things in the right places. I'm glad you're coming back into the realm of being able to share these things.....it's amazing what sharing will do.
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