Things Better Left Unsaid
In my world, there is no such thing.
Indeed, 'tis why I am so piss poor at "playing games".
There is a need for me to say whatever it is that saunters it's way through my brain in any given moment. I suppose it could be termed as "Impulsiveness".
But is it really a "Compulsiveness"?
For, am I in fact once again attempting to wrest control by saying what's on my mind to attain immediate reaction in order to avoid not knowing what a reaction will be—a form of lack of control? Is my inability to hold my cards close when it comes to romance due to my latent fear of rejection and therefore I show my hand right away as a means of deflecting said potential rejection?
(pant pant pant)
Control control! I must UN-learn Control.
Indeed, 'tis why I am so piss poor at "playing games".
There is a need for me to say whatever it is that saunters it's way through my brain in any given moment. I suppose it could be termed as "Impulsiveness".
But is it really a "Compulsiveness"?
For, am I in fact once again attempting to wrest control by saying what's on my mind to attain immediate reaction in order to avoid not knowing what a reaction will be—a form of lack of control? Is my inability to hold my cards close when it comes to romance due to my latent fear of rejection and therefore I show my hand right away as a means of deflecting said potential rejection?
(pant pant pant)
Control control! I must UN-learn Control.
posted by LC Greenwood at 12:42 PM
4 Comments:
Wow... maybe?
I myself have a tendency to make it known to suitors exactly where I am with everything, and it usually gets misinterpreted, or read into far more deeply than it needs to be, and then therefore backfires.
It could just be that whomever you are expressing your feelings/interests/curiosities in could not be understanding you completely.
Let me first make a big assumption. That in order for any relationship to last, one needs to withhold certain information to remain attractive for as long as possible.
If the boy knows everything about you (generic you, not LC "you") too soon, it might repulse, scare away or otherwise disenchant them, causing the relationship to fail prematurely.
So to avoid this, most of us keep secrets, avoid uncomfortable issues and make ourselves seem better than we actually are... to let the feelings build up. That way, the "feelings" and "emotions" hold, guilt or trap the other person to stay in the relationship, and deal with the less appealing stuff. They're already in loooove.
Assuming this has any validity (which I doubt,) then it would follow that saying anything that comes into your head isn't impulsive at all. It's a calculated act to push the other person away. Straight up rejection. You're provoking him to leave, which then proves you're unloveable. "He left, just like I knew he would."
It's a behavior for someone either:
1. afraid of commitment.
2. with a deep-seated feeling that you don't deserve good things.
3. prefers the predictable safety of being alone and mildly unhappy, vs. being with someone, unsure of the future, and possibly very happy or very hurt.
4. is an unrealistic perfectionist, who believes that they can only weed out the right person by testing them with piles of emotional baggage, right up front.
None of this makes any sense, but I'll press "Login and Publish" anyhow.
To reiterate my disclaimer: those "yous" don't mean you. I wouldn't want you to think this total stranger is coming around judging you - just thinking out loud.
I admire your forthright writing style, amusing stories, provocative ideas... and we apparently have a common friend in Mr. Firevaney.
I'm going with #3.
Post a Comment
<< Home