Letting Go
I've never been good at it. White knuckles baby. White knuckles.
So today, I set out to let go of a year and a half of self doubt, self loathing, and self effacing bullshit.
I sat across from him at the Starbucks by my house. And it was easy to talk together. That made me sad. But I was on a mission, so I kept talking and began telling him about how I'd been feeling for the last year and a half. And then he told me what he was thinking while we were together. And I think now I can believe that it wasn't about me or what I was lacking or any of that.
It didn't make me any less sad for the end of the relationship though.
But, at least that's all I'm sad about now. That I think I can get over.
It will be hard to see his brother every day though...at least for a while.
But I hope now I can move forward with confidence that I am an amazing woman.
I'm an amazing woman who is still pretty sad though.
And before anyone gets all up in arms about how much of a dick he was to me and how I'm better off,
I know. But love is love. And there's been a lot of crap that's been in the way of me mourning the end of it.
So. Here we are.
So today, I set out to let go of a year and a half of self doubt, self loathing, and self effacing bullshit.
I sat across from him at the Starbucks by my house. And it was easy to talk together. That made me sad. But I was on a mission, so I kept talking and began telling him about how I'd been feeling for the last year and a half. And then he told me what he was thinking while we were together. And I think now I can believe that it wasn't about me or what I was lacking or any of that.
It didn't make me any less sad for the end of the relationship though.
But, at least that's all I'm sad about now. That I think I can get over.
It will be hard to see his brother every day though...at least for a while.
But I hope now I can move forward with confidence that I am an amazing woman.
I'm an amazing woman who is still pretty sad though.
And before anyone gets all up in arms about how much of a dick he was to me and how I'm better off,
I know. But love is love. And there's been a lot of crap that's been in the way of me mourning the end of it.
So. Here we are.
posted by LC Greenwood at 4:17 PM
2 Comments:
Abstaining from any opinion on the content of your little tete-a-tete (I'm not clued in on any of your circumastances,) I've gotta say that it's rare for two people to sit down and talk about how poorly their relationship ended.
Who does that? Whether a few days or 18 months have gone by, I'd guess the vast majority simply move on and try to stuff it down, party it away or silently pine.
It's a brave choice on your part to face what is obviously an unhappy chapter in your past... and whether commendable or pompous of him to show up, it's good to hear you had some questions answered.
Good for you.
I'm glad that at least you realize your worth. You ARE amazing.
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