Retro...Cologne?
OK, I need to address a disturbing trend that seems to be making its presence known with horrifying frequency.
Who the hell told you guys to dig out that old bottle of Drakkar because it's "making a comeback?"
I'm here to tell you. It is most certainly NOT making a come back, and if it is, then I'd like my olfactory nerves rendered inoperable please. Immediately.
Seriously. We all know the power of smell and how it is practically fused to memory. Guys, especially guys born in the years 1971-1976...do you really think any woman wants to smell you and be transported back to yesteryear at a dance in a gym that smells vaguely of sweat and overwhelmingly of fucking Drakkar to cover the sweat? And those horribly awkward attempts at "makeout sessions" where she invariably came away with a fat lip because Johnny Hormones didn't know what to do with his teeth and literally tried to eat her face.
The first time I smelled Drakkar this year, I almost didn't believe what I was smelling. I actually turned around and asked in full outside voice "Who the HELL is wearing Drakkar and who told you that was Ok???" I was probably drunk at the time which would account for the complete disregard for decorum and good manners...wait... no it wouldn't... But honestly, I was OFFENDED. I mean, is it some strange, misguided effort to relive the "glory years"?? My God. What's next?
"wh-what is that smell?"
"Dude. Aramis. Totally making a comeback, man. you should pick some up...also, check out my kickass Hockey Hair...ne Mullet and 1989 Pontiac Grand Am."
I'm going to be sick.
Who the hell told you guys to dig out that old bottle of Drakkar because it's "making a comeback?"
I'm here to tell you. It is most certainly NOT making a come back, and if it is, then I'd like my olfactory nerves rendered inoperable please. Immediately.
Seriously. We all know the power of smell and how it is practically fused to memory. Guys, especially guys born in the years 1971-1976...do you really think any woman wants to smell you and be transported back to yesteryear at a dance in a gym that smells vaguely of sweat and overwhelmingly of fucking Drakkar to cover the sweat? And those horribly awkward attempts at "makeout sessions" where she invariably came away with a fat lip because Johnny Hormones didn't know what to do with his teeth and literally tried to eat her face.
The first time I smelled Drakkar this year, I almost didn't believe what I was smelling. I actually turned around and asked in full outside voice "Who the HELL is wearing Drakkar and who told you that was Ok???" I was probably drunk at the time which would account for the complete disregard for decorum and good manners...wait... no it wouldn't... But honestly, I was OFFENDED. I mean, is it some strange, misguided effort to relive the "glory years"?? My God. What's next?
"wh-what is that smell?"
"Dude. Aramis. Totally making a comeback, man. you should pick some up...also, check out my kickass Hockey Hair...ne Mullet and 1989 Pontiac Grand Am."
I'm going to be sick.
posted by LC Greenwood at 9:37 AM
4 Comments:
I felt the need to comment on this one as one (of I don't know - many?) potential accused of wearing this scent.
I remember an instance where I was approached by said author (Who may or may not have been drunk) accused of wearing this scent and if I am this person, I was accused incorrectly as I was wearing something else.
However, I was first to point out that, YES! I do own Drakkar and still like the way it smells and I don't care who knows it. The shit smells good and has always smelled good when mixed with my manly musk - And I have been with girls within the over the last decade who have literally dropped their pants at the scent on my enticingly hot pulse points. Results like that from a little head perspective can't be argued.
Now yes, I recognize the Junior High correlation, but why must we be defined by those barriers. Why?????????? Now would I say Drakkar is making a comeback? Probably not, that would be insane. But leave it alone. And don't pretend as if you are trying to forget the magic of the past. As several reunion tours may prove.......we crave it!
Anyway, I have to go take a little off the top and leave the bottom long before I pick up my Detroit Red Wings Hockey Jersey from the dry cleaners to wear at the WhiteSnake concert tomorrow night.
It does not smell good and you can't convince me to think otherwise!
Dude dump the rat piss in the TOILET!!!!
OK. Drakkar smells like S.H.I.T. that has been mixed in a blender with cat piss, rotting blue cheese (YES, blue cheese can get worse), hot deer guts, taco & beer grape shot, 3 day old frat-house vomit with a nice topping of your first boyfriends rank puck morning breath.
Now can you see why DRAKKAR will never make a come back with women? (ONLY MEN THINK OTHER MEN SMELL GOOD WITH IT ON---NOT THE LADIES). And why every woman you pass on the steet, while waring your rotten death formula, will always turn there heads? Those girls turn there heads for the same reason why people in general turn there heads while driving on rural country roads when they smell shit. They want to know what side of the car window to MOOOOOoooooo out of.
And by the way, those woman who were ripping off there closes because of your cologne, did they also have 3 foot crimped MALL HAIR, did they roll there jean pant legs, wear black Reebok High Tops, have 28 plastic colored bracelet on each arm & say the works "LIKE NO WAY" every other second?
I think sooooooo!!!!!
So....(1) take a shower. (2)Raise the bar in the GIRL department. (3)
Buddy "Just say NO to Drugs" like Nancy Reagan and (4) "CUT THAT HAIR" per the Beastie Boys.
It's 2005, not the 1980's.
Tell that to all the people attending Motley Crue concerts across the country.
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