A New Leaf
My entire life up to this point has been lead under the heading of "what if?".
It's a time honored survival technique that, in theory, saves the user from conflict, mistakes, regrets, or any other negative consequences when faced with decision or the need to act on any given stimulus. In theory. The theory is that if I can predict what the outcome of any thing I do will be, I can make the right decision to avoid the aforementioned outcomes. In reality, it basically mucks things up to a point where there is no enjoyment of anything resembling a moment-in-the-now as one's brain is constantly locked up in anywhere from 5 minutes from now and 10 years down the road. It also becomes a breeding ground for unfair judgement of one's self resulting in hesitancy and a crippling sense of low self-esteem. Life becomes all about:
"Is this the right thing to do?"
"Will this piss so and so off?"
"Will my heart get broken?"
"Is this healthy?"
"Does this make me a bad person?"
"Does this make me selfish?"
"Does this make me a whore?"
"Is this desparate?"
"Will this impact the space-time continuum as we know it, rending the very fabric of existence, throwing us all back into a cataclysmic..."
I'm sorry, you were saying?
So, how does one stop anticipating?
We talk about it in theatre all the time.
"Don't anticipate his/her reaction. Just act and react. Naturally."
A-Ha! But what if you're nature IS to anticipate? And you know that what you're doing is out of habit but because it's so embedded into your being that you can't help it and sometimes don't see that you've done it until it's too late?
I suppose the trick is to just try and let go. Take each moment as it comes. Learn to recognize that little prick of anxiety that is so subtle now as it's a 31 year old button it's pressing and not altogether sensitive anymore. When you feel it, stop. Take a look around, ask yourself:
"Do I really have that much control over what is going to happen?"
"Am I truly hurting anyone right now?"
The answer is probably no.
And then just jump.
If there are consequences, you'll deal with them. As you always do.
In the meantime, have a little fun.
It's a time honored survival technique that, in theory, saves the user from conflict, mistakes, regrets, or any other negative consequences when faced with decision or the need to act on any given stimulus. In theory. The theory is that if I can predict what the outcome of any thing I do will be, I can make the right decision to avoid the aforementioned outcomes. In reality, it basically mucks things up to a point where there is no enjoyment of anything resembling a moment-in-the-now as one's brain is constantly locked up in anywhere from 5 minutes from now and 10 years down the road. It also becomes a breeding ground for unfair judgement of one's self resulting in hesitancy and a crippling sense of low self-esteem. Life becomes all about:
"Is this the right thing to do?"
"Will this piss so and so off?"
"Will my heart get broken?"
"Is this healthy?"
"Does this make me a bad person?"
"Does this make me selfish?"
"Does this make me a whore?"
"Is this desparate?"
"Will this impact the space-time continuum as we know it, rending the very fabric of existence, throwing us all back into a cataclysmic..."
I'm sorry, you were saying?
So, how does one stop anticipating?
We talk about it in theatre all the time.
"Don't anticipate his/her reaction. Just act and react. Naturally."
A-Ha! But what if you're nature IS to anticipate? And you know that what you're doing is out of habit but because it's so embedded into your being that you can't help it and sometimes don't see that you've done it until it's too late?
I suppose the trick is to just try and let go. Take each moment as it comes. Learn to recognize that little prick of anxiety that is so subtle now as it's a 31 year old button it's pressing and not altogether sensitive anymore. When you feel it, stop. Take a look around, ask yourself:
"Do I really have that much control over what is going to happen?"
"Am I truly hurting anyone right now?"
The answer is probably no.
And then just jump.
If there are consequences, you'll deal with them. As you always do.
In the meantime, have a little fun.
posted by LC Greenwood at 10:53 AM
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