Some Exes Are Better Than Others.

For the most part, I am on friendly speaking terms with most of the men who I've engaged in relationships. Even the ones who broke up with me. With a few exceptions. Mostly because I simply never see them or have opportunity to speak with them, but others, because well, they've decided that they don't want to be friendly with me. Fine.
But it really sucks when I'm in a position where I have to deal with their obvious disdain.

People say to me "Well, have you thought about the fact that he might be feeling uncomfortable?"
Um, ok, yes CLEARLY he's uncomfortable, otherwise, we'd be yucking it up and I wouldn't be writing about this.
But what about me? I'm EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
I'm the one who now has to watch him and his wife and daughter and I'm expected to understand that "he's uncomfortable around me". I have to sit there while everyone watches him avoid me and feel uncomfortable.

I guess my biggest beef about the whole thing is that it's been like 5 years. It was a pretty difficult breakup for me as I didn't see it coming, and then come to find out a couple months later he's dating a woman that he introduced me to at one point as the woman who was having an affair with his ex-partner. And now they're married. And due to circumstances surrounding his relationship with my friend, I get the pleasure of being around him about once a year. He never really acknowleges me. He's completely cold. And it makes me feel about 2 inches tall. I've tried being civil with him, but then I get accused of being "psycho and making him uncomfortable."
And it sucks. Because truthfully, it actually makes me feel like I'm not good enough to be nice to.

The reasons for him breaking up with me are nebulous at best. I never got a straight answer from him. I've heard some mumblings about my smoking, the show I was going to be doing (the same one that I was fired from after losing this boyfriend), and a weird quirk I had once upon a time when I would carry a notebook with me out wherever I went and write when the urge struck me. I'd also let others write in it...strangers, etc. I'm told he didn't like it.
So, here I am today, with these "things" about me that may have caused our breakup and him still being a douchebag towards me.
I just think it'd be nice if one day, he just came into a room, saw me, and said "Hi LC, how are you?"
I feel like I deserve that. I suppose it would take some of the sting out of his rejection, you know?

Well, I suppose I should take my own advice. It's been 5 years. Time to let it go.
We can't seek approval outside ourselves. It's just hard when faced with obvious disapproval.