ADVENTURES IN MAMMOGRAMS!!!!!!
You must say the above as if you were saying:
"PIGS IN SPAAAAAAAAACE."
Go ahead, I'll wait.
...
Ok. So, yesterday, I finally went for my follow-up screening after the big scare of Aught Five. I'm fine. So fine, in fact that you get the bulletted version of the day.
-WHY in every hospital in EVERY section where one has to change clothes, do they have to label the bin for used gowns
"SOILED LAUNDRY".
Soiled is one of those words that just makes me vomit and then feel bad about myself later. Soiled says "Someone crapped somewhere in here." I understand in an emergency room where poop and other fluids are projected you definitely want a bin that says SOILED. But in the Breast Imaging center? Come on.
-First day of Period + Mammogram = excrutiating pain. For those not familiar with the procedure, they take your breast, lay it on a shelf, and then crush it with a vice. Until it's a flat piece of flesh about 2 inches thick. Think about the anatomy of a breast for a moment. There. see? Pain. Now add in the swollen-ness from the monthly miracle.
I almost passed out.
-when I was all finished, the nurse said "Ok, the radiologist is going to come in. It's nothing, so don't worry. I tell women this all the time and they STILL get scared. hahahahahhaa!"
ok.
So, then the doctor comes in.
"Hi, LC, I'm doctor so and so. I just wanted to come in and tell you.........................................................................................................................................................................You're fine. Your fibroid adeneoma hasn't gotten any larger in the two years since your last exam, so you don't have to worry about coming back here until you're 40."
Geee....thanks doctor. Thank you for the weird pause. You might want to look toward that in your efforts to solve the Mystery of The Terrified Patients.
Seriously.
Anyhoo... I'm great. I leave for New Orleans tomorrow. I look forward to hurricanes (the beverage) and lost time (the result of said beverage)!
Woo hoo!!!
See you all next week.
"PIGS IN SPAAAAAAAAACE."
Go ahead, I'll wait.
...
Ok. So, yesterday, I finally went for my follow-up screening after the big scare of Aught Five. I'm fine. So fine, in fact that you get the bulletted version of the day.
-WHY in every hospital in EVERY section where one has to change clothes, do they have to label the bin for used gowns
"SOILED LAUNDRY".
Soiled is one of those words that just makes me vomit and then feel bad about myself later. Soiled says "Someone crapped somewhere in here." I understand in an emergency room where poop and other fluids are projected you definitely want a bin that says SOILED. But in the Breast Imaging center? Come on.
-First day of Period + Mammogram = excrutiating pain. For those not familiar with the procedure, they take your breast, lay it on a shelf, and then crush it with a vice. Until it's a flat piece of flesh about 2 inches thick. Think about the anatomy of a breast for a moment. There. see? Pain. Now add in the swollen-ness from the monthly miracle.
I almost passed out.
-when I was all finished, the nurse said "Ok, the radiologist is going to come in. It's nothing, so don't worry. I tell women this all the time and they STILL get scared. hahahahahhaa!"
ok.
So, then the doctor comes in.
"Hi, LC, I'm doctor so and so. I just wanted to come in and tell you.........................................................................................................................................................................You're fine. Your fibroid adeneoma hasn't gotten any larger in the two years since your last exam, so you don't have to worry about coming back here until you're 40."
Geee....thanks doctor. Thank you for the weird pause. You might want to look toward that in your efforts to solve the Mystery of The Terrified Patients.
Seriously.
Anyhoo... I'm great. I leave for New Orleans tomorrow. I look forward to hurricanes (the beverage) and lost time (the result of said beverage)!
Woo hoo!!!
See you all next week.
posted by LC Greenwood at 10:48 AM
3 Comments:
I am so happy for your boobies!!! I mean, that they are healthy. Not that they became Bisquick pancakes in the vice of torture. Healthy boobs are sexy boobs!!!!!
And have super awesome fun times down there. Be safe and I love you!
Wow.
Ow.
Have fun in "K-Ville" or "Chocolate City" or whatever the mayor is fond of calling it these days.
Take that healthy chest and enjoy the hell out of N'awlins!
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