Point to Ponder
Breakthrough!
Well, sort of, I suppose, if you consider finding a question to answer a breakthrough...
In a very cliched and "That's all the time we have" moment in therapy yesterday, I mused:
"Then I suppose the question becomes: what is it about one guy that makes me care about his approval over another guy?"
For instance...a few entries ago I told you about the text messaging boy-wonder. As soon as I got that text message, there was an urge to explain...to make it so he wasn't angry with me...to erase the disapproval. However, it abated pretty quickly when I reminded myself that if I do that, then he sticks around, and I certainly didn't want that. Don't ask why. I'm chalking that one up to oral tradition. If I tell you about it personally, then you'll know, if I don't then you won't.
So, sorry, dear blog readers I've never met.
Suffice it to say, he wasn't my type. For serious.
But I digress.
Ok, so, that urge (compulsive need) to be liked went away.
However, when I think of certain other men of yore, I am frustrated and angry and hurt that
a. I'm not altogether sure why we broke up in the first place
b. He won't acknowledge my efforts to be understood
Even when I remind myself (as I did in the aforementioned text message incident) that these guys were controlling, emotional cripples, borderline alcoholic and/or drug addicts with weird eating disorders—I am still raw about it.
Maybe the question is twofold. The above question and additionally "Why do I love whom I love?"
Put THAT in your crackpipe and cook it up till your teeth fall out.
So, I get to ponder this until my next session on the couch.
It should be an interesting 2 weeks.
Well, sort of, I suppose, if you consider finding a question to answer a breakthrough...
In a very cliched and "That's all the time we have" moment in therapy yesterday, I mused:
"Then I suppose the question becomes: what is it about one guy that makes me care about his approval over another guy?"
For instance...a few entries ago I told you about the text messaging boy-wonder. As soon as I got that text message, there was an urge to explain...to make it so he wasn't angry with me...to erase the disapproval. However, it abated pretty quickly when I reminded myself that if I do that, then he sticks around, and I certainly didn't want that. Don't ask why. I'm chalking that one up to oral tradition. If I tell you about it personally, then you'll know, if I don't then you won't.
So, sorry, dear blog readers I've never met.
Suffice it to say, he wasn't my type. For serious.
But I digress.
Ok, so, that urge (compulsive need) to be liked went away.
However, when I think of certain other men of yore, I am frustrated and angry and hurt that
a. I'm not altogether sure why we broke up in the first place
b. He won't acknowledge my efforts to be understood
Even when I remind myself (as I did in the aforementioned text message incident) that these guys were controlling, emotional cripples, borderline alcoholic and/or drug addicts with weird eating disorders—I am still raw about it.
Maybe the question is twofold. The above question and additionally "Why do I love whom I love?"
Put THAT in your crackpipe and cook it up till your teeth fall out.
So, I get to ponder this until my next session on the couch.
It should be an interesting 2 weeks.
posted by LC Greenwood at 11:48 AM
5 Comments:
Is it better or worse to come to the realization that the thousands of hours one spends thinking about past mistakes they've made in relationships isn't reciprocated on the other end?
Good question. In my case I'd have to go with worse as then I'd regret the thousands of hours I wasted thinking about all my regrets in relationships.
I know. It's twisted.
"Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it till your teeth fall out."
One of my professors (quickly becoming my favorite) was talking about a man she dated for a VERY brief time because, as she says, his teeth were bad. In fact, they "looked like he had a prison riot in his mouth."
I almost shit myself when she said that. Just wanted to share. I really have nothing more to add to this post, considering our talk last night. You know my feelings about those who don't deserve your love.
Meanwhile, I continue to dwell on past relationships that have never even happened.
But then, hopefully, someday, I'll write about them -- that is, what never happened, what only happened in my head -- and then I'll make a shitload of money having sold what I've written about them.
Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?
You have people around you who love you with all their hearts... people who you respect, honor, and approve of, just as much as they do you. So, when you meet someone who doesn't float your boat, you needn't waste your time trying to float theirs' just so that their seas remain calm around you... savvy?
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