COPS! In MORTON GROVE...

Approximately 8:30 PM Glenview, IL

It was my Freshman year of College and I was home for Christmas Break. It was Friday night and we were scrambling to find a place to drink. Our old Standby "GuywiththeTrailer" didn't live in the trailer anymore since his sister crashed her car into it and while trying to back away from it, managed to crash into the one behind her and knock it over.
Yes, she in essence knocked over someone's house with her car.
And yes, there was a time when I hung out and partied In a Trailer.
Long story short, our options for unsupervised hanging out were severely limited.

But there was an option. The Vegas Motel. Out in Niles. Word had it that the owner didn't care who rented rooms and you could be as loud as you wanted. My other friends had already partied there once and thought it was awesome. So. We drive out to the Vegas Motel in Niles, IL. Cars stocked with requisite cases and "40's".

Well, we ring the bell and no one answers. Apparently, the Vegas Motel was not renting rooms that night. We were like the Nativity. If by Nativity you mean 8 underage kids trying desperately to find a place to get drunk...just then a voice...

"What about the Admiral Oasis?"
"What?"
"The Admiral Oasis...over there in Morton Grove. It's huge. No one will bother us."

We'd found our Manger.

OK, so back in the cars and onward to our destination. We were giddy with the anticipation of outright rebellion.

Tallguy had a fake ID. He booked the room. We were in business.
"Ok, let's go find the room!"
"YAY!"
The Admiral Oasis is a wrap-around courtyard terrace walkway type situation and we had no idea how the number system worked and so we made several trips back and forth on the open walkway.
"Hey, you guys, I think those cops are looking at us."
"Nu-uh. Just keep moving...Don't' look at them, they won't look at you."

Find the room. Coats off, TV on. AH PORNOGRAPHY! And Red Carpet...on the walls...and a mirror above the bed...
We quickly set about to the business of opening beers...setting up a table on which the weed would be de-seeded and rolled into big fattys...the party had started. Then one of the girls piped up...

"You guys, I need to find a payphone. I gotta call my boyfriend. In Ohio."

To choruses of "Oh COME ON!" and "We really shouldn't call attention to ourselves here..." she left.

The party continued.

I was sitting on the floor, two of my girlfriends were on the bed with tow of the other guys just horsing around laughing about the weird mirror on the ceiling, providing play by play commentary on the porn we were watching.

Suddenly a knock at the door.
"Who is it?"
"Guys it's me. Open the door."
"NOPE! You left now you can't come in!"
"No, seriously, you guys, let me in."

We opened the door and there was our friend with two very large police officers who quickly pushed past her and wielded their flashlights at us yelling
"EVERYONE FREEZE!"
But not before the guy who had been cleaning the weed stood up from the table and made a quick retreat to the other side of the room.
Now I was basically shitting myself.
I'm 18.
I'm drinking.
and there's about a quarter of an ounce of pot 2 feet away from me.
The cops start in on us.
"WHO'S DRUGS ARE THESE???"
No one speaks.
Now, I should stop here and mention that on the TV was an extreme closeup of a woman receiving and extreme rimjob.
"Um, officer, could you um, turn the TV...off.."
"SHUT UP!"
"no, really, please, could you turn that off?"
The cop turns around ad looks at the TV, which by the way is suspended from the ceiling so he is now face level with this woman's ass and the tongue attacking it.
"HOLY SHIT... Just WHAT in the HELL is going on in here? WHO'S DRUGS ARE THESE?"
No one speaks... except for the ASSHOLE who's drugs they were.

"C'mon you guys, fess up...who's are they?"

I wanted to scream THEY'RE YOURS YOU DICK!" but I was paralyzed with fear. I was still locked in the image of my mother finding out about this. Being picked up from yet ANOTHER police station late at night... I started to cry.

"Listen kids, either you tell us who's drugs these are, or we bring the dogs in. Cuz where there's this there's gotta be more."

Then he radios in to the station.

"Yeah, we're gonna need a wagon down at the Admiral.."

That's when I snapped. I began sobbing and screaming at the same time.

"WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE DRUGS! LOOK!"

I began emptying out my coat pockets...my gloves and cigarettes and cellophane and foil from said cigarettes flying and landing in a mess in front of me...

Just then, the sergeant comes in...

"OK guys, ID's."

We were all more than happy to comply.

(I had returned to my upright fetal position rocking back and forth the 'mymotherisgoingtokillmeimsodead' mantra churning in my brain)

And as he looked over the ID's, amusement lit up his face. He flipped through them he discovered that he was dealing with a bunch of kids from Glenview, Wilmette, and Evanston... we weren't criminals. We were a bunch of Northshore college kids doing what college kids do. So, he tells his boys:

"Cite 'em for Underage Drinking and let 'em go." And then he turned to us.

"Kids don't you have basements at home you can do this in??"

"Uh, no sir, all our parents are home."

"Well, don't come Here. We just had a shooting here 2 days ago. This is NOT a place where you should be hanging out. BAD things happen here."

Sensing we were out of immediate danger, and in an effort to chat it up with our new friends GirlwithBoyfriendinOhio chirps:

"Are you guys wearing bullet proof vests??"

Then it came time to flush the pot. Still seething from ASSHOLE's denial of the whole thing and relieved I was getting off so easy and my mother would NEVER find out about this...I jumped and asked

"Can I do it???"

And I did. And it was good.

So, that was our big brush with the law. We got off easy. Tallguy...not so much. As a result of having a fake ID he had a whole other set of problems to deal with...AND he actually took the fall for the weed. Totally took one for the team. One of the coolest things anyone has ever done.

To this day, the girls never let me live down my freak out and pocket emptying episode.

But they don't understand.

My mother really would have fucking killed me.