Date #2

It's amazing how freaked out I can get about dating.
Can't even tell you how many times I second-guessed myself last night during what was actually, a pretty fucking awesome good time.
I smoke too much. (I had 2 cigarettes the whole time)
I don't make enough money.
I'm overweight.
I'm in a burlesque show and I'm an actor and is he going to be ok with all that comes with dating an artist?
I'm not clean-cut enough for this guy.
I have a past. What if he finds out?
Anyone who knows me knows where this list of misgivings came from.
Thing is, though, is that it's not you-know-who's fault. It's mine. For buying into it. For thinking that I'm not good enough.
Consequently, I've embarked on a life-long campaign to push anyone that might be able to hurt me away as fast as possible...in the fastest way possible.
I sleep with them immediately.
I used to think it was an impulse control problem. It's not.
It's fear. Pure, unadulterated fear of being made to feel "less than". So, I take the reigns and do it to myself. So I can blame myself.
So I can say, "Well, what did I expect?"
That's part of another lifelong quest to set the bar low so that I'm never disappointed.
It was a trick my mother taught me to lessen the pain of not getting cast in a show.
"Don't get your hopes up, and your hopes will never be dashed."
Trouble is, once you learn this skill, you forget how to hope at all.
And life gets pretty dull.

This guy is very nice. I like him. It would be nice to stop hearing "Ok, let's not fuck this one up" on a loop in my brain.
He said last night that it seems like it would be impossible to make me blush.
I told him it's quite easy. Just say something nice to me.
For when faced with someone that I like, suddenly there are stakes. There's something to lose.
I suddenly become painfully goddamned shy.

So, Hey, Good news is, I have something to talk about in therapy next week!
So, I got that going for me.
Which is nice.

What??

A date with someone nice, attractive, and humorous???

The shock of it might actually make me stroke out.

Stealing From Myself

Ok, so here are some bits of communication from this morning:

I did chat with a guy last night about this fountain of mystery white sauce ostensibly for dipping strawberries (which I did not eat because I've given up sugar for Lent) and how funny it would be to fill something like that with cream of mushroom soup, provide strawberries for the dipping, plant people around the party raving about it, and see how many people choke it down thinking it was the in-thing to do...an excercise in herd mentality.

Aaaand on the topic of the Oscars:

The only thing I enjoy watching is the obituary montage and that's because it's the only (barely) genuine thing about that goddamned show.

I should not be invited to any gathering around the Oscars unless you're looking to make fun of it the whole time.

How is This Legal???

Over tea and oatmeal this morning, I watched as WGN announced that they couldn't air their footage of an interview with Chris Rock until after March 2. After OPRAH'S interview with Chris Rock is aired. She has actually levied a sanction on media sources forbidding their coverage until SHE gets the chance to do hers. You've GOT to be kidding. She's actually blocking a scoop??
Someone out there. Please. Tell me how in the bloody blue holy fucking hell this is legal???????

I hate Oprah.

Another Ash Wednesday, Another 40 Days

Ok kids, here we go...
Lenty Goodness.

That means
No chocolate. No junk food. Abstinence from bedroom type activities. Essentially, nothing delicious.
That last one...again, not so big a deal as it's not a stampede to my door these days.

But Lent also means that Easter is coming. And with Easter....Spring, bitches! And with Spring...No more socks!
Woo hoo!

Mardi Gras!!!!

Well, here we are..another Fat Tuesday at the Xanax Files.
Tomorrow, I go for my ashes, today I rehearse for the big gig on the 15th. Tomorrow also marks the 40 day end to the eating of all things delicious.

Recapping the weekend...
The Benefit was awesome. Flet damn good to do some cabaret again. Even if I look about 90 pounds over weight in all the pitcures...it was a lot of fun. Everyone involved made me damn proud. Although, I think my directing days are over. It's just too difficult to direct one's friends.

And now begins the big push towards Dames opening. And kicking my ass in the gym.

Stupid 30's.

The New Broadway

""We're out of ideas. Let's do a musical about the history of a rockband. Instant music! Insant hit!"

Fuck you, Broadway.

Dare to Dream...

An election year where one of the candidates is so legitamate that even his competitors won't slam him for fear of public derision? Could 2008 be the year of the Kinder, Gentler campaign trail?

In other news,

Fuck snow.

Get the Hell Off My Ass.

For serious.
LAY THE FUCK OFF.

Also, what in the fucking fuck is all this shit about fucking fallout boy???
I can't decide if I like them, only because they have a better than average drummer, but I can tell you I'm tired of seeing their fucking name on every goddamned web page I browse today.

Whoa.
PMS- HO!

Suck It, Rex.

I have no words for my disappointment about last night's game.
Poor Urlacher.

I'm anxious to see if Useless McSnapfumble comes back next year.

I'm avoding any and all coverage of anything until I stop feeling like burning things.

Digging

Ok, so, Senator Biden misspoke about Senator Obama. Interesting when this happens between two democrats. Seems they have a much better sense of humor about it. Than, say, if a Republican had said it.
Here's an article for those living in caves. or for those who don't watch the Daily Show. Interesting to note how quickly Biden showed up on the Daily show to have Stewart attempt to add levity to the situation and pull the guy's campaign out of the shitter.

http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/clean-obama-remark-stalls-senators-presidential-bid/2007/02/01/1169919470396.html

But my favorite part was this:
Obama states:

"I didn't take Senator Biden's comments personally, but obviously they were historically inaccurate," he said.

"African-American presidential candidates like Jesse Jackson, Shirley Chisholm, Carol Moseley Braun and Al Sharpton gave a voice to many important issues through their campaigns, and no one would call them inarticulate."

Um, I would. At least 3 people in that list are some of the most annoying, extremist, I'm sorry, Inarticulate people I've ever been exposed to.

Yeah, I said it.

Also, here's the deal. When Biden said what he said, I knew that he wasn't implying that other black people are "dirty". He was saying that he's new, fresh, and untarnished by American Politics. So far.
But, you know, it's campaign season, so everyone has to watch what they say...lest you say something that someone else can use to assassinate your character as a human being.

It's all bullshit.