8 Days Til Christmas

Tom Cruise is on Regis and Kelly this morning.
This is what my life is reduced to while unemployed in the Winter. Morning television, fighting with my cat, and dreading the trip to the grocery store. Also, wondering if Regis and Kelly are in a fight this morning as I watch Regis bat away any attempt Kelly makes at humor...

And now I can direct my rage toward my nemesis. Tom "Soul Full of Assholes" Cruise.
Let's start with his new movie. Valkyrie. Where he plays an Eye-patched Nazi (presumably the BEST Nazi, thus rounding out his "Top" franchise.) Only, he doesn't even attempt to authenticate the role with any kind of acting whatsoever...most obviously by cleverly omitting an accent of any kind.

OK, he's on.
I think he's been heavily medicated.
He also looks like he's lost about 20 lbs.
That's about all I can report as it was the most uninteresting interview ever.
But I did learn that Valkyrie is rated PG. Awesome. It's going to be the Pearl Harbor of Nazi Films. I really hope there's a cute dog someplace that I can root for.

NEWSFLASH:
I was watching A Charlie Brown Christmas last night, and in the 2nd half hour they played an updated special. Most notable was the absence of Linus's blanket. Well, according to Wikipedia, in 1989, Schulz decided that Linus had outgrown his blanket.

I don't know how to about that. I've always considered Linus to be an iconic champion for security blanket owners everywhere. I guess Schulz decided to let the icon grow up. I dunno.
But anyone else out there think this is like Milne giving Pooh a PhD?

Oh Alanis. I'm laughing at you.

Right. So I just saw Alanis's latest video for "not as we" and oh my wow.
Here is yet another song about breaking up with somebody and having to "start all over again". But what struck me was that she really punches up the spinster in this one . Rather than show up drunk at the dude's house during a dinner party, slashing his tires, and cutting herself, we see her pensively drinking a sensible cup of herbal tea, walking a beach on a cloudy day, and talking to a kindly therpist. Throw in a bath and a visit to a spiritual healer and we have a nice cross between an Lifetime Original Movie and a douche commercial.

LOL Alanis Morissette. LOL, indeed.

Thoughts on He of the Substantial Hair...

Well, I'll tell ya. There is no question in my mind that this asshole belongs in jail. However. I definitely question the timing. I feel like this stinks of underhanded shots at Obama's impending inauguration. I'm wondering if someone in the GOP approached him with an offer the greedy bastard couldn't refuse to fall on his sword for an ungodly amount of money.
Sigh.

GodDAMNit, Daley.

So, the city has passed Mayor Daley's cost-of-meter-parking plan that, in some cases, will quadruple meter costs. Oh, and, free meter parking over night will also go away. So, I hope you're ready to get up every two fucking hours to feed the meter.

Awesome. All in the name of paying down the phantom "Budget Deficit" he hauls out every fucking time he wants more fucking money from us. The city stands to make upwards of around a Billion Dollars on this deal. Where do you think that's going to go?

This is lousy with Olympics.

So, now we'll see. We'll see how the percentage of car owners in the city stands up in the wake of this. Cuz in this economy, he is on fucking crack. If I had a car, I'd sell it tomorrow.

If this is really happening, then they better get some new meter technology. Swipe-cards, meters that take dollars, meters that take anything other than quarters. No one is going to want to fucking carry around a roll of goddamned quarters every time they get into the goddamned car.

I never thought I'd say this:

I am so very happy to be moving back to the suburbs next year.

Who's Afraid of Virginia...Juno?

I have found an homage to "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" through parallels between Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman's characters in Juno and Martha and George in the aforementioned play.

What could those parallels be, you ask, dear Blog Readers?

Check it.

Why is Garner so surprised when she finds out that the ad placed looking for a baby was in the penny saver in the first place?
Oh, I suppose an argument could be made for Bateman having the responsibility of placing the ad, only to put it in the penny-saver with the assumption that no one would see it and therefor would be spared the unwanted role as "father".

And what of the revelation that the couple had another baby situation that didn't pan out because of what Bateman describes as "cold feet"? Sure, that could mean that the mother backed out...or he did...or more interestingly, Garner did. Sure.

And even further...what of Bateman's advances on Juno? A Sixteen-year-old pregnant girl? Indeed, it can be viewed as a desperate yet well intentioned seeking of his lost youth in this precocious, unique and multi-faceted girlwoman.

But I say that's all just fucking boring.

Wrap your brains around this one:

How about...Bateman and Garner are an extremely unhappily married couple who survive only through the sadistic manipulation of the other. She through her stranglehold on his masculinity, and he through her inability, yet burning need to have a child. Oh, and they dig on fucking with people on the outside as well.

Bateman, vengeful over his wife's totalitarian stronghold on his career and role as husband decides to advertise as adoptive parents in the local penny-saver. Juno innocently answers the ad. Through her bizarro-pixie-like involvement in her lives, she inadvertently foils Bateman's game by refusing his sexual advances and promising the baby to Garner even though their marriage is doomed. Garner chooses freedom by taking the baby and Bateman leaves to relive his glory days as a musician.

This all parallels the "Bringing Up Baby" game in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf". In the play, George and Martha tell their guests, Nick and Honey that they once had a child but that it died.
Martha wails "you can't DO that" to George when he reveals that their son is dead.
They never had a son.
George "kills" him because Martha broke the rules by "talking about him".
George and Martha play weird sick games with each other to mask the dying inside each is experiencing with every passing moment in the other's company.

So, what I think is, Garner and Bateman are loose representations of George and Martha but escape their fate through the intercession of Juno. To say nothing of the whole "who's afraid to live their lives free of illusion" theme that is present in both couples' relationships.

Oh my god I need a job.