It's Another Ash Wednesday!

Here we are...the home stretch into Spring.

Lots of things coming up the pike this Lenten Season...moving, working, saving...

Today though, I'd like to focus on a different Religious tradition. One that's pretty controversial. And one attached to my unhealthy obsession with the Mormons.

Baptizing Dead People.

Yep. You heard it right. Our Mormon friends are on a quest to Baptize all the dead people. Baptize 'em Mormon.

Now. Lest you, dear Blog Readers, think (with good reason) I'm immediately going to launch into some angry diatribe—I'm going to tell you: There's a part of me that thinks this is a wonderfully kind gesture.

You atheists just burst into fucking flames didn't you?

See...I believe that the desire to give a person a choice (if they are in fact given one once they reach the hereafter) about where they want to spend eternity is really kind of....nice. But aside from that, I have to say where it hit me the most was when I discovered that the Dead Baptisms were covering Holocaust victims. And that there was a huge movement to get these folks baptized right quick.

Some argue "How dare they. Those were JEWS (not all of them, some Catholics too). They're JEWISH. How DARE they convert them without permission." And that is a perfectly correct, and reasonable argument. One that I sort of agree with.

But here's the other side:

"Well, these people were tortured. And they were murdered. And buried in Mass Graves. WIth no family, no love, and no comfort to see them into whatever hereafter there might be. We simply want to offer some comfort. For them, for ourselves, for the world. Because, quite simply, we care. And it's the LEAST we can do when, for a long time, no one was doing ANYTHING to help those people."
I'm making that up, but if I were a Mormon, that's maybe a little of what I would say. Maybe not. Because I don't actually know what a Mormon would say about it because I've never asked. But, it's what I would say right this moment to justify it.
I just think it's a nice thing to do for someone.
And in this ever increasingly secular world where the expression of faith is becoming less and less accepted, well, I was really touched for a moment. By the selflessness of the sentiment.

Maybe I'm naive. Maybe it is some diabolical plot to turn us all into Mormons. I don't know. I don't care.
It's Lent baby. I'm feeling a little kinder today.

But not too kind.

Tocro: This one's for you. Happy Belated Birthday. Here's where it all goes down.



IT'S THE BATH OF THE DEAD!

Enough of the Myth that Liberal Democrats Are the Only Real Artists.

I was just over at Post Secret today.

And here's what I found:

"I'm an art major and I'm a Republican. I feel like a fake."

A fake what? Republican? Artist?
Why??

I'll tell you why.

Because the prevailing notion is a liberally motivated stigma on Republicans that paints them intolerant, uncreative, boring, stupid, insensitive, unfeeling, overbearing, morally superior...etc. Which is soooooo ironic for soooooo many reasons.

And conversely, don't feel like a fake Republican because you think that they don't like art or artists. It's simply not true. There are PLENTY of Republican Artists. Myself included. We just don't go bleating about it like so many slaughtered lambs.

When the fuck did the Dems get the market cornered on art?

News Flash:
If most Democrats actually thought about it for a second...especially the Anti-War on Drugs folks, they'd find they have greater Republican leanings than they thought.

Also, to that Artist,
Just remember, Lincoln was a Republican. And he was kind of a big deal.

Yes, I Have My Period, But Hollywood Needs to Die in a Fucking Fire.

I was just over at The Hater on the Av Club, and I read a nauseating report about the "swag bags" being handed out to the "celebrities" at the Oscars.

Here's my conclusion:

I truly believe that Hollywood "stars" are "stars" simply so that Americans have something to envy. Essentially, it's a vast commercial conspiracy designed to make people "aspire" to be something "greater than themselves." And by "aspire" I mean "covet" and by "greater" I mean "laden with useless garbage on which no one should be spending more than $50."

This kind of spending exhibitionism does nothing more than feed the "Great American Longing" which is rooted in The Great American Abandoned Child Syndrome brought about by Christianity.

Here's the equation:
Death of Savior (Parent) + Denial + Hope of Return=Self Sabotage in order to retain Familiar sense of Desperate and Oh so Romantic Longing.


Is your mind blown?
Yeah, it's Wednesday, bitches.

Award Shows Are Completely Unnecessary

Why?
Because no one needs the assholes in Hollywood to tell us what's good and what's not. Especially when the assholes from Hollywood dole out awards according to the oh-so-obviously-overtired-flavor of the week method of voting.
That, and the fact that mainstream films and music are so limited in their scope, that really, there are few choices when choosing "what's the best". It's now pretty much the Best Animation Category across all media and genres. Everyone gets nominated because if they weren't there wouldn't be a choice.

For example. Last night's Grammys.

Jennifer Hudson walks with Best R&B because, really, who the fuck else is there? Also, points for murdered family members. Sigh. Altruism at its most annoyingly disingenuous.

And Robert Plant/Alison Krause get album of the year because, well, everyone else they're up against sucks. Ie. Fucking Coldplay.

There is no romance left in Hollywood. None.
It's so very sad.

I think I may bleed soon.

Paternity Tests Shouldn't Be So Difficult

There's a moment in the morning when I explode in an absolute panic.
The moment I hear:
"BEEEP.... you're NOT the father."
...and it's a mad fucking scramble to change the channel.

Goddamned Maury Fucking Pauvich.

Apparently, there are women who have had upwards of 13 paternity tests in an effort to discover the identity of the man who "IS THE FATHER."

Ok, um, last I checked, doctors are pretty good at determining when conception PROBABLY happened. It's usually a 3-4 day window if I'm not mistaken. So, one can, with good authority, determine the day when the seed was planted.
Therefore, THIRTEEN paternity test begs the question:

How many men are these women having sex with in one day?
I mean, has there just been a rush on gang-bangs of late?

These are the mysteries of my universe.

Well, the Good News Is...

I Survived the Superbowl. I managed to escape unscathed as my fiance's intent Superbowl watching face was trained on the television and I remained quiet and unassuming in order that my loud Lady-noises wouldn't interfere with all the bets he needed to place during the game. I also brought him food. I was vindicated when I received this praise/advice from Ms. Tocro:

"Good girl. You will successfully snare him with your submission. He is now trapped by his desire to control you. Be quiet and have his angry babies."

In other news, apparently the Superbowl is now won through cheap shots and all out beatings as evidenced by the late in the game personal foul involving Harrison who took it 'pon himself to punch, HOLD DOWN and then push down to the ground one of the Cardinals during an offensive play. Oh, and then there was the blatant holding in the end-zone resulting in a Safety (2 points for the Cardinals, ladies). Although, it could be argued that 90+ yards in penalties the Cards lost in the first half may have been a contributing factor to the tone of play.

But you didn't hear me say any of that.
At all.
As I sat quietly and demurely next to my ever-lovin', gamblin' man.