Thursday, November 30, 2006

Further News From the "Apparently People Can't Make Their Own Choices" File

'Nativity' booted from Ill. holiday fair

By DON BABWIN, Associated Press Writer Tue Nov 28, 8:05 AM ET

CHICAGO - A public Christmas festival is no place for the Christmas story, the city says. Officials have asked organizers of a downtown Christmas festival, the German Christkindlmarket, to reconsider using a movie studio as a sponsor because it is worried ads for its film "The Nativity Story" might offend non-Christians.

New Line Cinema, which said it was dropped, had planned to play a loop of the new film on televisions at the event. The decision had both the studio and a prominent Christian group shaking their heads.

"The last time I checked, the first six letters of Christmas still spell out Christ," said Paul Braoudakis, spokesman for the Barrington, Ill.-based Willow Creek Association, a group of more than 11,000 churches of various denominations. "It's tantamount to celebrating Lincoln's birthday without talking about Abraham Lincoln."

He also said that there is a nativity scene in Daley Plaza — and that some vendors at the festival sell items related to the nativity.

The city does not want to appear to endorse one religion over another, said Cindy Gatziolis, a spokeswoman for the Mayor's Office of Special Events. She acknowledged there is a nativity scene, but also said there will be representations of other faiths, including a Jewish menorah, all put up by private groups. She stressed that the city did not order organizers to drop the studio as a sponsor.

"Our guidance was that this very prominently placed advertisement would not only be insensitive to the many people of different faiths who come to enjoy the market for its food and unique gifts, but also it would be contrary to acceptable advertising standards suggested to the many festivals holding events on Daley Plaza," Jim Law, executive director of the office, said in a statement.

Officials with the German American Chamber of Commerce of the Midwest, which has organized the event for several years, did not immediately return calls for comment. The festival started Thursday.

An executive vice president with New Line Cinema, Christina Kounelias, said the studio's plan to spend $12,000 in Chicago was part of an advertising campaign around the country. Kounelias said that as far as she knew, the Chicago festival was the only instance where the studio was turned down.

Kounelias said she finds it hard to believe that non-Christians who attended something called Christkindlmarket would be surprised or offended by the presence of posters, brochures and other advertisements of the movie.

"One would assume that if (people) were to go to Christkindlmarket, they'd know it is about Christmas," she said.

One would assume indeed.
Good fucking lord.

Taking the Free Out of Free Will

Ok, so, as is my habit in the AM, I'm watching WGN news. I've just witnessed two things that really bugged the shit out of me.

1. A report that in Texas as of Jan 1, a new law goes into effect that makes Smoking in cars while children are present illegal. Yeah. Someone go actually read the studies done on second hand smoke and tell me how much of it is actually 100% incontravertable truth, and then I'll agree with facist laws like this one. Thank God it's a state law. Although, in some states, it's illegal to smoke and be a foster parent. Yup.

2. There was a list presented of the top video games "appropriate for children under 17." Awesome. Thank you for that list. That gives me some shopping ideas! Aha! However, in the next breath, they reported the top video games "inappropriate for children under 17." OK, way to let parents make their own decisions about what they're gonna let and not let their kids play with. I had a flash of 196something and a Walter Kronkite type personality giving me a list of books that are "not suitable for our country's youngsters."

Ok, look, I am ALL for seeing to the safety of children. Absofuckinglutely. I do not, however, appreciate the government OR the media mandating how I see to it. I'm a sentient being. I can handle. Freedom can handle it.

AND THANK YOU WGN for showing me photos of a soldier's 3rd degree burns at 8 goddamned 30 in the morning.
I've just done the unthinkable and switched to ABC.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Ok, That's Enough.

So, TBS has a new series called "My Boys". It's set in Chicago.
I hate it already.
Aside from the silly premise of a woman with virtually no girlfriends who hangs out with all dudes, I counted 7 TOTALLY unnecessary references to the fact that the show did, in fact, take place in Chicago.
A few select:
One guy was wearing a Metro Tshirt. Sigh.
A lunch was had at the Billy Goat. Really?
Jenga was played at a table. In a bar. Bigger sigh.
In the preview for next week, some awful bald man hits on the main character and in the most archetypical way possible says "I'm from Glenview. I still live there!"
FUCK YOU "MY BOYS"!

OH AND? Gratuitous references to the sponsor Match.com. And portraying that troll pit as a viable dating option. FYI, it's NOT.

Basically it's just a Dramaturg circle jerk.

I won't be watching again.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Thank GOD

Well, in the yesterday's news category, we have Jamie Foxx as the latest to weigh in about the Michael Richards "Racist Hulk Out". He says he was "especially offended by it" and if he sees Richards, "It's on."
Wow.
You're an Oscar Winner who got scooped by Sinbad in the Chiming In Lunch line.
Also, he's already appeared on Jesse Goddamned Jackson's radio show.
"It's on"????
Shut up.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Fucking Brilliant Idea!!!

I credit my good friend MEO for this inspired idea.
We were talking about her Thanksgiving and the time she spent with her in-laws.
They were trimming the tree, listening to Christmas music when the following song came on:

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked up
In my bedroom fast asleep.

Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.

I think it's a safe bet to think that at one point in time or another all of us have thought, "Hm, wow, this song is kinda creepy."
What with children not knowing that Santa is really well, dad or mom, or Bruce-dad's life partner. But, MEO's sister in law took it to the next level.
She thought it was some adulterous woman kissing some random mall Santa.
Then she went on to talk about what she and her friends call "The Date Rape Christmas Song." I couldn't think of what she was talking about until I heard a smattering of a tune in my head and to the internets (batman theme here) I went.
And she was right.
I present to you:

"Baby It's Cold Outside"
or
A Christmas Date Rape

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

C'mon baby

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside

Brr its cold….
It's cold out there
Cant you stay awhile longer baby
Well…..I really shouldn't...alright

Make it worth your while baby
Ahh, do that again….

Ok, so, aside from pointing out the "What's in this drink" line, I think my work here is done.

I think this topic deserves a series. So, tune in for more "What the hell is this song suggesting" lyrics and analyses.

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas Threw Up on My Apartment...

...And then threw out my back.

But things look pretty goddamned kick ass around here. But I'm not kidding. My back really f-ing hurts. I'm approaching 60 quite quickly.

We're planning a holiday party around here. Haven't had one in 2 years. Sad, really. However, as is TOTALLY inevitable, it's conflicting with another party.
And thems the holidays.

Friday, November 24, 2006

So Much Turkey

Ah, the holidays. Whenever I come home I'm always confronted with ghosts from my past. Odd how they never really go away.
Might be a clue.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

This Just In

Aaaahhhh... here's a gem from our new Democratic Congress....

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/congressman-rangel-will-seek-to/20061119133009990016?ncid=NWS00010000000001

If you can't read it, it says that "Rep. Charles Rangel (Incoming Chair of the Department of Ways and Means) says he plans to introduce a bill to reinstate the military draft, an idea he believes would deter politicians from launching wars."
Yup. Basically, he says that the Administration and the previous Congress wouldn't have been so quick to start the war in Iraq if there had been a draft and the possibility that their kids would have to go to war.
Yeah, That's logical.
He also says that it's hypocritical to support the war and NOT support the draft. okaaaaaay. Sure. Hm. Supporting a war that people can and do volunteer for is hypcritical because why? Oh. Is he talking about the fact that the American people don't have a real choice in whether or not the country goes to war and so we shouldn't have a choice individually whether we go to fight? NOPE, still makes no goddamned sense.

Awesome.

Oh, AND he wants to expand the range from 18-26 to 18 to FORTY FUCKING TWO!!

However, this COULD also be the first glaring example of the media changing hands and starting that mudsling swing back over onto the Democrats.

The world may never know.
God help us all.

Random Sunday Thoughts

This weekend was an experiment in frugality. So, rather than go to the bars, I decided (with my roommate, DA$'s help) to invite some folks over for an impromptu get down at Camp SurlySneed (my apartment's new name) whereupon we played Guitar Hero, drank cheap wine and beer...Indeed for yea I drank of the PBR, and in general had a really good time. Last night, more of the same, 'cept Crotchy McLabia's house...these are messageboard names of people I know...for you out of town readers... knitting instead of Guitar Hero, and a viewing of The Dark Crystal. (mmmmmMMMMMMMMmmmm).

The Bears win again. I didn't watch the game today as I just didn't have it in me for the anger that would more than likely take over my body annoying my roommate and cat. So, I had a nap instead and dreamt that Jude Law was my boyfriend. Best. Dream. Ever. Eat that, Bears!

This was an answer to the question "have you ever had your heart broken" as recorded in a recent survey I took:

"K, remember that Brady Bunch episode where they break "Mom's Favorite Vase" and Peter has that dream and the ball just keeps breaking the fucking vase over and over and Bobby just keeps repeating "Mom always says, don't play ball in the house" in that weird southern accent and then they glue it back together but when they put water in it, it springs like 90 leaks? Also, that vase was brown and ugly. WHY that was Carol's favorite vase still eludes me to this day."

RIP "Big Pat".
I got a call from my college ex-boyfriend Friday night. His father died. While he was a difficult man, he had a good, albeit lost, soul. He died in his sleep.
Here I will recount the Shrimp for Flight story.

Back in 1999, I flew out to New Jersey to attend my ex's brother's wedding in Elmira, NY. We were to drive from Marlton to Elmira, and all-told, the trip would have taken about 6 hours. In true LC and PS form, we were running late, and fighting. We were supposed be giving his dad a lift up there as well. By the time we were going to be ready to get on the road, we'd have 3 hours to get there in time for the rehearsal dinner. I was not happy. I hate being late, and I hated it even more when HE made me late. Anyway, we call his dad and he comes out of nowhere and says,
"I got a guy. He's got a plane. We're flying."
Um, ok.
So, we go get Big Pat in Fish Town Philadelphia, and head over to this little ho-dunk private airport situation. BP has in tow a box (think Omaha Steaks) of frozen shrimp. Yeah.
Apparently, he had made arrangements to trade the shrimp for the flight which would get us there in 45 minutes.
Have you ever flown in a Cessna? I hadn't.
And I hope I never do it again.
I sat in the co-pilot seat trying not to vomit all over everything while my ex and his dad, one box of shrimp lighter, sat in the rear of the plane smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.
Upon remembering this story on Friday, my ex said
"You turned around to look at me at one point with the biggest "I HATE you" look on your face I'd ever seen."
He thought it was hilarious.
It is now.
Then, not so much.
We arrived safely, got to the dinner on time and DROVE home with his other brother on Sunday.
God Bless.

And that's about all I got today.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

On A Lighter Goddamned Note

Jesus...when did this blog turn into "Ordinary People"??

I apologize. While all of the feelings are genuine and true, the apology is for the descent into an emo abyss brought on by my goddamned hormones. And my addiction to romance novels. Seriously, I think I need help.

Some points of interest.

Apparently, the Blue Line has been determined to be the bumpiest line on the Chicago EL system. And I say "it's about time some research was done on this very important issue. Thanks, Scientists!"

I want one of these "pocket dogs". They weigh like 3 pounds, and you don't even really have to take em out. You can paper train them with very little incident.

I am also addicted to Brie. Imagine my joy at the grocery store when I was able to take advantage of a Buy one, Get one situation!

And today my uterus is a burninating lum of fire in my lower torso and I can't get to any advil until I get to work. In 2 hours.
Suck.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

An Insight

I think the reason all this divorce and betrayal is so abhorrent to me, is that when I was a little girl, I decided that the divorce and betrayal I experienced couldn't possibly exist when I grew up.
Easy to believe when you were one of 3 kids in your class with divorced parents and singled out for a special class designed to help us cope.
So, growing up I knew that I would one day get for myself all the things I was denied as a child.
I was so sure, in fact, that I breezed through highschool and college not really caring about my education because I was positive that I'd be getting married and having babies, so what did I need to get all aggressive about a career for?

Ah, rude awakenings are just that. Rude.

I cried today. Cried for the relationships I've seen end. Cried mostly for my nephew. Down to the very core of me I never want him to feel even remotely close to how I felt growing up. Not knowing what comes next. Not trusting that my parents would be there whenever I needed them. The rejection of it all.
Because ultimately, that's what it feels like. It feels as though your whole world has been rejected by the people who created it. And everything that was important to you is suddenly unimportant to them.
Even though they tell you differently.
They tell you that everything will be ok. And sometimes it is.
Mostly it isn't though. At least, that's what it feels like.
The rules constantly change. There are no boundaries, and screw promises.

I honestly thought that when I grew up, feelings and situations like this wouldn't exist. Because I thought that we would have learned from our parents' mistakes and done everything in our power to create a different reality for ourselves.

20 Lbs by May

That's what I've decided.
Why?
Because A. I'd like my driver's license to stop lying to peopl.
B. I'd like my rack to fit into my clothes again (even though it's still fantastic)
C. I'd like to stop feeling like Gigantasaur
D. My future sister in law is a size negative 4.
E. I can't afford to buy any more fat clothes.
F. Because there should be no reason I can't lose 20 lbs. if I set my mind to it.

That is all.

Monday, November 13, 2006

So, Apparently, in My Generation, Marriage is Dead.

With the exception of a choice few, it seems that Gen-xers are incapable of making marriage work. At least their first marriages. And they end in some of the most self-destructive ways possible. So, let's see... this one I just found out about will make it a hat-trick (in as many years) for marriages ended due to cheating. 2 in the last 3 months!
Awesome.
Maybe this is why I've been spared so far. Because I don't think I could handle my marriage ending because my husband was too much of a pussy to work on the problem and too much of a greedy bastard to keep it in his pants long enough to give me time to figure out for myself that the marriage was doomed.
Longest. Sentence. Ever.
Thank God. Thank God I'm not trapped in a horrible marriage constantly second guessing my husband and worse...myself.
Thank God I'm not cripplingly lonely specifically because of someone else.

Has It Really Come to This?

Romance Novels.
I've gone back to romance novels.

And I'm still on my never ending quest to emigrate to the UK. Nope, not kidding. At all.
At this point, however, it's looking rather hopeless as the rules governing employment there are retarded. So, unless I can find a UK employer to sponsor my visa or get engaged to or marry a Brit, I'm pretty screwed.

I can't even apply for an ancestry visa (Ireland) because all my damn grandparents were born here. Well, except for my grandpa. He was born in France. But, after 1922, so I don't think that even matters.

Ah well. Back to my books and dreams. And feelings.

God I'm so emo.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Lesser Evils

I keep dreaming about shoes...

Anyway, ok, so the results are in, the Democrats have taken control of the House and the Senate.
Good work Republicans! Your douchebaggery has made the people in your party abandon you.
McCain said it last night: That the fiscally conservative stayed home on Tuesday due to the fact that the Republicans in power kind of forgot that Republicans aren't supposed to spend a lot of federal dollars. Ooops.
And now Rumsfeld is gone. I suppose that's a small favor. Although I remember a time when the whole country stood behind him during Shock and Awe. Ah, well, the wind blows...

I think what needs to happen now, is the Moderate Republicans, as we're being labelled now, just need to break away and create a new party. And take all the cool kids with us.

On an unrelated note, I was watching Gilmore Girls last night, and I think I want to move to Connecticut. Or some other old east coast area. I figure for now it will be the next best thing to being in London.
I gotta get off these Plaines man. For real.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Stupid Shark Dreams

God. Seriously.
Sharks and what seemed to resemble the big black blob thing from Species when they followed the alien instructions...
Oh, and ex-boyfirends are always fun too.
'Specially when you're all happy and shit but somewhere you know that "this ain't right" and then you wake up with a low grade fever.

In other thoughts....Good Work Dems for taking the House. Wait. No. I should be thanking the Reps for being complete douchebags fro the past 12 years.
So, Dems, you gots some fucking work to do. Don't fuck this chance up.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Crap.

Today is my half-birthday.
I'm half-way to 32.

Voting Independent...

Until my party decides to start behaving the way it's supposed to.
Actually, both parties can eat a bag of dicks.

So, it's the independent ticket for me folks.

Vote tomorrow.

P.S. PLEASE Urlacher... get well soon.

And Grossman? Right back into QB timeout.
I'm so mad at you right now.

Friday, November 03, 2006

I MUST be Ovulating.

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Pipe Dreams

and no, not the ones gotten with a pipe...

I imagine a love where I am desired.
Where I am pulled to as I pull.
I imagine being loved.
Profoundly
Wholly
Without doubt or question or anxiety.
I imagine a trusting before the grief before knowledge of darkness
Before real life.
I remember that love. Vaguely.
There is crying with the yearning for it.
There is hope.
But that hope is fleeting and it feels dangerous.
For in that realization of real life there is pain.
The reality of pain.
And there is fear.
And there is need to control.
But, oh, to have that love.
And the cynic says it's fleeting, and it's not real
But i remember those moments.
Moments of true love.
When I felt cherished
treasured
honored
worshipped
worthy.
god.
I miss that.

Etc.

Last night I had a dream that the first three songs of my band's album were done (mixed and such), which is true.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Ha.
HEY! Who's tired of these fucking "Democrats/Rebublicans Punch Babies and Old People (and then eat them)" political ads??
I've seen two since I began typing this sentence. And I type pretty goddamned fast, thank you very much.
For Fuck's sake.
WOO HOO! Here's another!
Melissa Bean's ad just ended, and hers ACTUALLY talked about her credentials and no one else's dirty laundry.
She must be independent.
These ads render politics useless. They actually force people to vote within their party.
Unless they want to go online to that "seen on tv" website that explains the context of the baby/old people punching and subsequent mastication.
But what if you don't have a computer?
WHAT THEN?
I've had too much diet coke this morning.

In other news, Ringling Bros. circus has downsized from 3 rings to 1.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Fixing a Hole

It's like having cavities, if you don't fill up the empty spaces ( which are really just full of all the stuff one needs to let go of)
they get bigger and bigger and bigger until you have no teeth left and you're outside the Wilson El singing Camptown Races.