... From Vacation

Hello Blog Readers and greetings from "Need to Burn a Few PTO Days" Land.

I don't have the best internets connection right now....I'm getting my own installed on Friday, so I'll say hello and hows your father now, and then I'll see you again on Friday.


Also, if you are able, please watch the first 10 minutes of the Daily Show from last night.
I don't think there is a better mirror for the Katrina disaster (Rape, murder, flat soda) than this statement from one of the residents of the stadium presently housing Wildfire victims:
"There is such an outpouring of support. We have (laughs) too MUCH food!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!
Yeah.
It's so nice to see white people helping other white people.
And being really fucking glaring about it as well.

Celebrities, ok, see, just "appearing on television" to plead with other people to help crisis victims isn't eno

Yeah.

Is it me? Or is there just something ridiculously perverse about a PSA featuring a celebrity informing an entire city (whose Net Worth is comprised mostly of other celebrities' income) about "how they can help" the victims of the California Wild Fires?
Am I the only person who thinks that the last people who should be reminded where their money is needed most right now are fucking celebrities?
People who have been publicly featured on shows like "The Top Ten Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces?"
I know that Jessica Goddamned Simpson parted with 8 million when she divorced Nick. So, Nick....um, can Malibu/San Diego borrow a dime??

And thanks, Victoria Principle for your 50 Grand. Seriously. And that woman hasn't done anything aside from Lifetime Original Rape Fantasies and maybe an odd SVU episode in the last 15 years. So, to her, that's like a half a million in A List Dollars.

Where the FUCK are the rest of you assholes???

Stay Classy, Boston!

Ok, so, updates from the weekend.

The Bears. I just...well...
I can't really get excited about this weekend's victory, because the truth is, the Bears are just absolutely terrible.

Also... apparently Boston Fans don't think getting into the World Series is a happy enough event to combat any random bad-mouthing of the Patriots.
Yep, found that out Sunday night when I intoned:
"The Patriots fucking suck. Fuck the Patriots"
To which some douchebag says to me:
"Yeah, that's Classy."
So, I told him that, indeed, it was classier than being a Patriots fan...or some other such drunken fight-inducing nonsense. (Don't drink the sangria at the Twisted Lizard. Seriously. It makes you SAY things.)
So, in the interest of being NICE, I go over to the guy's table to make nicey, nice, and he was having none of it. He kept attacking my classiness...and so I suppose, my woman-hood. So, I walked away. And then he asks me:
"Where are you from? Why don't you get the fuck out of my neighborhood."
To which I said, laughing, cuz this was just getting fun now:
"Um, I'm from HERE. And last I checked, this is Chicago, so fuck Boston right the hell all over again. STAY CLASSY BOSTON!!!"
That's when B stepped in.
It was silly.
I kept saying to everyone who would listen:
"It's just SPORTS!! LET'S ALL COOL OUT!"

Eventually, cooler heads prevailed.

But jeeeeez.

Also,

For the record, any inclusion of "rabies" in a sentence makes me laugh my ass off.

WHY?????

Does Josh Hartnett keep getting cast in films???

WHHHHYYYYYY????

God, I hate him.

Well, well, well.

In a country who is generally obsessed with all things Holocaust (and rightfully so, mind you), it is shocking when one learns about something like this:

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2007/10/15/nobel-committee-bypassed-holocaust-savior-al-gore

Adrian Peterson...

Is the new Brett Favre.

OK, I know. I KNOW. He is the best Running Back to ever play in the NFL this year. He's awesome. He's just the bees knees. He's the best thing since sliced bread.
Got it.

Seriously.
I haven't heard so much fellating-speak since the Green Bay game.

"He has the firmest handshake. I mean, he shakes your hand and lets you know he's in the room."
No. I'm not kidding. A telecaster actually said that.

Hey, you know what?
I'm the sorest loser ever.

And I have a pretty fucking firm handshake myself, thank you very goddamned much.

Stupid Bears.

I'm an Artist...

...So why the hell am I not more "socially sensitive"?
In other words.
Why am I not a Liberal?
For serious.
I'm watching the news this morning, and there's Robert Redford. In town for the Chicago Film Festival. And he makes a comment about how he loves this town and our mayor. What? Why?
"Because I really like his ideas regarding 'greening up' this city. He's really considering the environment'". Or some other such Liberal drooling nonsense.
And THERE. RIGHT THERE. What I JUST said. Why did I say that? What the hell is my problem?
Why am I not right there on the "Let's make a difference" bandwagon?
Historically, in American Theatre, at least, Actors were the purveyors of change. They set out to tell stories that would AFFECT people. Make 'em think. Have them leaving the theatre somehow changed, altered, touched.
I had a little bit of that spark, once upon a time.
But, not so much anymore.
But why?
Why do I not care about the world around me more?
Is it because I, myself, struggle to get by every day?
That my survival outweighs any social indignation I might feel on any given day?
I had a thought on the bus that the above was created by my upbringing. That the ever-changingness of my environment caused me to insulate and internalize and ignore the world around me to focus on what I needed to do to survive.
But then I thought, that can't be it. I know plenty of people who feel the same way I do about a lot of issues and their homelives were fine.

So,
What is it?
Or do I just hate people?

Addendum

Again...this is ranting.
Anyone is welcome and encouraged to put me in my goddamned place.

Always. It's half of why I started this gd blog.
Also, I know how asanine it is for me to assume that since I know something, everyone else should too.

Hammer Away.



Go Cleveland!

The Day After Columbus Day Musings

This is one of my most/least favorite times of the year. It's when I get to get angry (which I love) at bleeding heart "I need to hate myself because it's the in-thing-to-do" NPR listeners (whom I hate).

Seriously. If I have to hear one more time about how Columbus was actually a purveyor of mass genocide and "by the way never actually set eyes on the continental land mass known as America and so really didn't discover America"...yeah, no shit. That honor goes to Amerigo Vespuci...the guy who fucking AMERICA WAS NAMED AFTER...someone's head is going to get flown.
For real. I got it.
I KNOW!
Enough already with this stylized "cultural awareness" whose sole purpose is to make it seem like these shame-peddlers "really care about people and are really trying reeeeeaaaallly hard to make the world see that by making films about how socially conscious we are."
You know what? You're so goddamned concerned? How about you take a step outside your safe, university setting and go live in my neighborhood for a while. When the lyrics to the Sesame Street Classic "Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood" include "That half-naked Smack addict blowing that Pusher in the Alley" then come back to me and tell me how socially conscious you are.
For now, I don't need to be told again how the Spanish Catholic Church was blood thirsty and liked to burn things.
Again. Got it. It's "burned into my brain."
Thanks!
Now, off to Whole Foods with you, you little scamp.

Go Cleveland!

It's Okay, Sportcasters...

...To remove your lips from it's firm place around Brett Favre's penis.
That's right! Why is LC in such a great mood this morning?
Because the Bears climbed out of the suck tank to say hello to Greenbay.
HEY! Fun fact, Greenbay! Your 92 year old quarterback tied a record last night.
Which record?
The record for the most interceptions thrown!
It's good to have goals.

Next week:
MInnesota.

Touche LC! Far Be it From Me....

...To ever shy away from the possibility that I might be wrong..

Well, I got pissed yesterday with that whole no hugging business, and my friend Ryan all but put the gun in my hand by supplying me with the principle's email address....Well, here's what happened.

I give you "LC Reacts Irrationally to an Item on the Internets and Promptly Gets Her Ass Handed to Her."

Yesterday, Sometime in the Afternoon.
LC:
"It's bad enough that teachers, who are essentially in some cases primary caregivers to children, are not allowed to initiate hugs or other displays of affection... but now you want to keep kids from hugging on school grounds?
Hm. Wonder how Columbine would have turned out if those kids had been encouraged to hug a little more.
You're an idiot. And you are everything that is wrong with the American Public School System.

In an age where people barely even talk face to face anymore, taking away a basic human form of communication and contact is dangerous.
Also, please re-read 1984 and Brave New World respectively."

Thank you.

This Morning.
Victoria Sharts, Principal:
"I hope you realize that the news may not always be accurately portrayed. I had repeatedly told the reporter that we do not have a ban on hugging, yet what was reported was what makes news rather than the reality. We have discouraged the lines of hugging when students move to the next class just as we discourage stopping and talking at length when they are to walking to class.

We have not "banned" hugs, we do not have a policy banning hugs. We do realize the importance of a hug, for a child or for an adult. I'm sorry that the news media created a story by adding their own words that created a story rather than reported the truth."

So, apparently, there's some muckraking going on at this school. (And carpet bagging!)
But anyway, it reminds me of the witch hunt that went on at my school against our principal. There were some parents who disagreed with her and did their damndest to get her gone, so to speak. It was an ugly, messy business, especially when she, while not perfect, was such a positive influence in so many peoples' lives.

Anyway, apologies to Ms. Sharts, and I hope that CBS news prints some kind of correction about what is actually going on.

Also, Settle Down Reporters. There's plenty to report on truthfully without you people getting all reactionary and Terror Alert Burnt Sienna on everybody.

Jeez.

Yeah. Cuz, HUGGING is the Problem in Our Schools.

http://cbs2chicago.com/topstories/local_story_271193938.html

I hate people.

Younger and Prettier

Wow. I was going to say that I am really beginning to feel the presence of those thusly monkiered. But, the truth is, I've been feeling it for a couple years.
Now it's just more acute.
And I'm reminded daily of their presence.
Getting old sucks.
The worst part is the animosity I feel towards them. They can't help it. I really need to remember that.

But every once in a while I like to remind them who's older and smarter.

Hey, Cubs Fans...Settle Down, etc.

There's a rally today for the Cubs because they have the worst record in the League yet clinched their division. By default. Because the Brewers lost. After getting their asses handed to them, AGAIN, by the Marlins. The other worst team in the league. Who, apparently have made it their mission to finish their season by making every team going into the playoffs look like shit. I heart baseball. But seriously. A RALLY? C'mon. They got into the playoffs. Big goddamned deal. They should be doing that every year. EVERY YEAR. Oh, and the piece de resistance to this whole over-reacting jump o'the gun? A survey on the news asking:
"Do you think the Cubs curse has been lifted?"
Um, again, I remind everyone of last week's sweep by the Marlins.
Chickens before they hatch, eggs in one basket, pick one. But the point is, let's all calm the hell down. There's still plenty of time for the Cubs to break everyone's hearts again.
Personally, all my hope finally died in '03.

In other news, the Bears suck even harder than they did last week. I cannot even begin to express my sadness, anger and disgust at the fact that they lost to the fucking LIONS. The Lions, historically the worst team ever to be the worst and comic relief for millions of fans across America. THE LIONS!!!
And here's the deal. It's not the quarterback. It's two things. Bad recieving and bad play-calling. Thanks Ron Turner, for leading this team into Suck-Town. And thanks, receivers for apparently forgetting how to catch, and hold on to a football. Thank you. Thank you very goddamned much.

On a lighter note.
If you haven't seen the film Curious George, I suggest you go out right now and rent it, itunes it, netfilx it, what the hell ever. But see this movie.
It's the cutest goddamned thing you will ever see and it will make all the bad stuff go away for the duration.



I mean, are you KIDDING ME with that face???