And Speaking of Petty

If the Dems aren't careful, they are going to bicker themselves right out of the White House and we'll be stuck with McCain.

Seriously. Clintons. Grow the fuck up.
Obama, ignore them. Rise above their sense of entitlement bullshit before they completely fuck your chance to actually do something good for this country.

Meanwhile, Back in the Hoth System...

Holy Fuck Balls, it's cold.

So, I'm watching the news this morning, and I was driven to observe a disturbing trend in this year's push to the presidency.
The Democrats apparently do not play well together.
At all.
At least, according to the media.
Every morning it seems Obama is either denying saying something nasty about Hilary, or he's explaining "what actually happened when it looked like I snubbed her on the street yesterday."
THEN I see BILL Clinton on the TV-box. And that's when all hell broke loose.
"B", I said, "Um, isn't it HILLARY who's running?"
"Yes", he responded, "And there are a lot of analysts who say that his public involvement is hurting her candidacy. SHE'S running. Not him. He's not running for a 3rd term."
"Ah," I fired back, "But there are a lot of folks who would love to see him back in the White House. Even if it is by proxy."
Then we moved into "the Clintons are liars" and The Blowjob talk which is sooooooo popular with all my friends and and then it came to me:

When it comes to besmirching a good name:
The Republicans attack the Democrats' penchant for philandering and wayward genitals.
The Democrats attack the Republicans' latent homosexuality.

And the Democrats attack eachother based on who's more rude.

It's all very petty.

In Return for Clear Vision, Here is My First Born Child.

And why don't I throw in a blow job as well?


Just came back from the eye doctor. Where I just spent the GNP of a small country for a few pieces of plastic.

Explain to me why frames cost almost 3 times as much as the lenses. You know, the parts that do all the work? The parts where all the technology is?

And I didn't even get designer frames.

For what I paid, they should be made out of the hopes and dreams of a thousand babies dipped in gold.

and then rolled in jewels.

LOL Gleefully, Publicly, and Proudly.

And here's why.

The Packers are NOT going to the Superbowl.

Everyone's like "Why are you LIKE that? I mean, it's the Midwest. We should be rooting for them."

Ok, let me call your attention to a little-known faction of sports enthusiasts called "Sox Fans".
Try talking to them about how they would feel if the Cubs blew a World Series chance. Go on. Ask.
Got a whole earful of derision and hate?

Good.

Welcome to why it's ok for me to take a dump on Brett "It's too Cold Outsidefor me not to throw Interceptions" Favre.

Suck it Greenbay!

Goddamnit, I'm Old.

I was just over at a message board I frequent and read this thread:

TITLE: YOU GUYS!

Body:
OMG, I totally just got into listening to stuff on vinyl. I'd heard how much better things sound but I had my doubts, but it's like, totally osssommme!!!


Can someone just put a fucking bullet in my fucking head, now? Please?

Wow.

Hey, without writers, Jon Stewart is a screaming liberal jagbag.

Awesome.

Everyone, myslef included, talks about how "balanced" Jon Stewart is. No, the Daily Show is. Because The Writers are.

Last night, he hosted the author of the book "Liberal Facism". Now, he admits the interview was cut to pieces due to time constraints, however, he never let the guy get a word in edgewise because he had him on the defensive the whole time.
Why?
Because he didn't like hearing the word Facism associated with Liberalism.

Yeah, kind of stings, doesn't it, Jon?

Here is a link to the book.
http://www.amazon.com/Liberal-Fascism-American-Mussolini-Politics/dp/0385511841/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1200582618&sr=8-1

Now, I'm not saying that this guy is an authority. I have not read the book. However, I find it interesting that Jon calls "CRAZY" when the points in the book are made. But, I'm supposed to sit idley by while folks on the left compare MY politics to Nazi Germany? And Incorrectly, by the by?
Uh huh. OK.
Suck it.

Hey, Um...

Does anyone else think that Colin Farrell might not actually be a real human being?



There's just something slightly...plastic about him. I've never been able to place it before. But today I figured it out.

He's a Fabricated Human.

You know how when someone tries to draw a face, and does an ok job, but there's something just off about it? That's Colin Farrell. He's like a real life Polar Express character. He looks, totally real, but if he turns his head slightly, you get a glimpse of robot.

Also, Look at what he's constructed from:

Full head of thick, wavy dark hair.
3 days of beard growth. Constantly.
Irish accent. Which, is really what gave it away for me. It's not even a GOOD accent. It's almost like it was an option. But with the "New Car Smell" stuff at the carwash quality.

So, yeah.

Enough with the ISH!

"It's like a chocolate chip cookie. Ish"

Is anyone else being inundated with this latest aberration of speech?

I'm assuming it's coming from the oft-used colloquiolism "Twelve-ish" when referring to an arrival time or other reference to similarity or comparisson.

It's driving me fucking CRAZY!!!

Because now, as with most idioms, it's being used completely incorrectly.

I literally, just now, heard 3 women say "ISH" independently of any word. I think now, people are just inserting it into sentences just so they can sound cool. ISH. I think they're even saying it when what they are talking about is EXACTLY what they mean.

ISH is now, officially, the new "like".

I just died a little inside.

Hey All You Kats and Kittens....

If you find that you're in the Chicagoland area...
And you also find that you've nothing to do this evening...
And you further find you're craving some live noise...

Five Foot Nine is playing at Martyr's this evening.
We go on around 10 or so.
Cover is 7 bucks.

This is our second show at this place and we had a decent turn-out last time, so we're hoping to top that tonight.

See you there!

A Social Justice-y Conundrummmmmm....

As representatives of two of the (oxymoron alert) biggest minority groups in the land, If neither Obama or Hilary win the election, can they cry "Discrimination" and completely turn the American Election System on it's ear??

For I have heard oft and too much
"This country's people aren't ready for a female or black president".

Tocro?
Thoughts?

Ok, You Know What's Fucking Creepy?

Dreaming that you're dating, breaking up with, and getting back together with someone who looks like a cross between Bob Saget and that one actor who plays the Work Bench manager who kind of looks like Bob Saget in "Reaper".

But you know what's even bitch-titting creepier?

Dreaming that your Bob Saget-Actor from Reaper-Boyfriend leaves you stranded in the woods after killing some blonde woman and then framing you for the murder. And then spending the rest of the dream wondering "Why did I date this man" and trying to clear your name.

I'm exhausted this morning.

A Song

I recorded this in Big Bear with my Dad's good friend Rusty Smith behind the mixing board. It's a little rough and we had to composite a couple of takes (if you pay attention you can hear the jumps...unavoidable as it was late and this was a one off deal)...but it's nice nonetheless.

The second song is me and my dad trying to get through a Beatles song.
I love it.






VISIT
Laura Coleman

Happy '08!

Well, here we are. A new year, a new start, a new drive toward spring and summer.

A few of my friends have posted a Year in Review list. I suppose I should do one, just as an excercise as I find it exceedingly difficult to write my own accolades.

So, here goes.

Let's see. In absolutely no goddamned order...

I moved into my own place once again. I'm happy about this as I've found that I am a shitty, shitty roommate as I like things "just so" and "where they belong."

This summer I grew my second Balcony Garden. I'm getting pretty fucking good at gardening.

I focused on my band this summer...after recording an album, we have played at some very cool venues...Schubas, Martyrs, Abbey Pub, The Hideout, The Kinetic Playground, Betty's Blue Star Lounge and the Elbo Room. Last year we played the Double Door.

I auditioned for a second band, got the gig, and am now a lead vocalist.

To that end, I played a song I wrote with a full band for the first time. At the Hideout.

I saw my nephew turn 5.

I celebrated 3 years at a job...personal best! ('08 makes 4)

I've knitted 3 shawls, 3 blankets, various scarves, the crowning achievment of which is a Gryffindor scarf for Brian. Pictures to follow soon.

I've gained 10 lbs, a dress size and my boobs are goddamned enormous.

I cut my hair. A move that I'm not all that thrilled about, but, it proves that I'm not afraid to try new things, but that my instincts ARE generally correct.

I participated in the folding of 1000 paper cranes for a sick memeber of the Decemberists who had to cancel their tour after only 2 shows. I felt so INVOLVED.

I saw one of only 2 shows from the Decemberists' 2007 "The Long and the Short of It" tour. I feel pretty fucking priveleged.

I performed with the Dames at Durty Nellies in Palatine in front of about 500 asshole college douchebags. I made 6 bucks in stripper change. Camel Cigarettes paid me 100 bucks.

I continued dancing burlesque even though I've gained 10 lbs, a dress size, and almost unmanageable breasts.

I've been basically instrumental in my client's marketing initiatives as all my ideas keep getting chosen.

I got to go to Lollapalooza for free because my company did all their promotional marketing.

I presented ideas to the Lollapalooza marketing committee.

I dreamt that Michael Madsen sent me a greeting card in preparation for a party that everyone was invited to.

I said goodbye to Jason Bone in the most cheesy, cliched way ever: crying at the end of a karaoke version of American Pie.

I recorded 2 songs for my younger brother.

I got to die on stage violently and in black and white. With fake blood.

During the same performance, totally got to make out with E.

I've seen E no less than 70 times on a Comcast commercial with my favorite Bear ever...Brian Urlacher.

I watched the Bears make it to the Superbowl...and then lose the Superbowl.

I got strep throat. For the first time. Ever. First in my family as well.

I heard myself on the radio...WXRT...3 times...and had Richard Milne say that I do a "NICE job" singing.

I stood up in my younger brother's wedding and sang a Jethro Tull song in a Catholic Church.

I co-directed a musical cabaret show that raised a whole mess of money for the theatre company.

I sat across from a man who while I dated him was quite possibly the most emotionally intimidating man ever, and got closure. Are the heart strings still pulled now and then? Sure. But then I remember what it feels like to be absolutely comfortable with myself and I know why I'm not with him anymore.

I lived through yet another of God's Angry Plagues. The Cicadas.

I decided to embrace "what is" and not pine for "what was" or "what could be" .

I had a dream that Leslie and I got married and the Knights of Columbus wouldn't let us get divorced.

I've learned to say "This is just fine and enough, thank you." and really mean it.

I had an article published on my favorite website...SomethingAwful.com.

I saw G Love and Special Sauce in concert. Twice.

I've found a man who loves me, respects, me and understands me for who I am at all times. No questions. I am, for the first time in my life, Comfortable with the person I love. He is not above me, below me, or around me. He is next to me. And that is pretty fucking kick ass.

So, that'll do, pig, that'll do.

Happy New Year everybody!