OH MY GOD.

It's the fucking FLU, PEOPLE!!!!

That's it.
The Flu.

Fucking Jesus Christ.

Billy Bob Thornton is an Asshole.

http://tinyurl.com/c62upa

The link above features an interview conducted by a radio station...in Canada, I think.

Apparently, Slingblade has a band. But he doesn't want his acting to overshadow his bandmates.
However, rather than just SAY that, Captain Dickhead has to act like a fucking 2 year old, embarrassing himself, the DJ and the rest of his band.

I'll tell you. If I were those guys, I'd be like,
"Listen, Billy. As much as we'd like to tell ourselves that we're this awesome band getting radio play and interviews and blowjobs on our own merit, the reality is, you're like, one of the most famous actors ever. You've been inside Angelina Jolie. Before the babies. We understand that. And I, for one, am TOTALLY ok with riding on your weird coattails. So, stop acting like a fucking handjob and let's have some fucking fun with this. Also, here's some ice cream. Try smiling for a minute."

I mean, HONESTLY.

Pathos...

Well, that's that.
My grandfather passed away. It's my first real big family death. And it blows.


There's a pretty groovy Obituary about him in the Sun Times:

http://www.suntimes.com/news/obituaries/1525294,CST-NWS-XBAIL14.article

and here's the link to his obit at the funeral home with his picture:
http://www.donnellanfuneral.com/

He was an amazing man. And I will miss him muchly.

Nothing Says Good Morning...

...like 2 city blocks of photographic partial birth abortion horror at 8:30 AM.

Fuck you, Pro-Lifers.

Thoughts on All My Children

...and soaps in general. And nothing helps avoid thinking about my dying grandfather more than...well, just about anything.

So, here goes.

So, I'm at the nail salon (and I use the word "salon" loosely) and they've got All My Children tuned in up there on the TV box.
And it gave me pause. For the following reasons.

-Um, why is it that trauma experienced by Soap Opera Women can only be solved by some kind of amateur hypnosis creepily administered by her husband/boyfriend/former lover?

-Do soap opera toddlers require years of therapy from all the abandonment they experience from plotline to plotline?

-To that end, ever notice how overcompensate-y soap parents get when talking to their toddler counterparts? As if to say "Look at me totally ACT LIKE THIS CHILD IS MINE!!!!!!"

-Also, what parent lets their kid DO soap opera work??

Director: "Okay Dylan, We're ready for you."
Kid: "My name's Mark."
Director: "Yeah ok, whatever. Ok, in this scene you're really scared because your daddy is leaving mommy and she's just got into a car accident when she got caught in a MegaTornado and no one can find her body>"
Mark: "What?????? I'm 3." (Sobs uncontrollably)
Director: And Action.

-Why is Tad Martin constantly hanging out in places where he needs to rescue/defend the honor of the women of Pine Valley ie at the Hospital/Police Station/Evacuation Center?

-How is Opal still on the show and why is SHE always in the hospital to administer quirky but motherly southern advice to men scared about the survival of their wives/estranged wives/children of their recently deceased wives?

-Do they really think this newfangled 35mm treatment on the tape actually lends legitimacy to the "drama" unfolding? If anything, the "realistic" filter magnifies the absolute ridiculosity of the tornado EVERYONE in town got hurt in.

-Does Susan Lucci even eat anymore?

-Does the chick playing Kendall?

-Oh, Angie and Jessie. You token black couple, you.

-Multiple Personality Disorder? One of the rarest and most difficult to diagnose disorders ever? Again?

Sigh.
It was so uncomfortable to watch. But more uncomfortable to realize that I ate this shit up, once upon a time.

And used to tape it.

Don't you judge me.

Really? Mr. President, REALLY?

An ipod??

For HRM Queen Elizabeth II.

An IPOD??

To be fair, a rare autographed copy of the King and I song book (By Hammerstein himself) was also included in the gift....but really?? An IPOD??

And what's with the DVD gift set to the Prime Minister? That didn't work because the region codes are different here.
Now, granted, perhaps the Obamas aren't to blame as they have staffers to take care of the gift procuring.
Ok, fine.
But WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT THE REGION CODES VARY?
What the fuck are they paying these people for???
If it were me, I'd be like,
"Thanks, Staff. I'll just go an do the thing that you were supposed to take off my fucking plate, my fucking self. You MORONS."

Maybe I'm spoiled. Maybe my love affair with the West Wing has me expecting our Presidents to present rare copies of poignant letters from Washington to his wife complimenting her embroidery and "unshakable intestinal fortitude" to our world's leaders.

Yet, everyday I see us moving closer to a world clad in logos and watered with gatorade.