Unsent, Untold, and Incomplete.

And so...
Obsolete.

I've been having a hard time today with THE MEN IN MY LIFE.
I've got a series of men that I've hooked up with or been in relationships with that I realize that I have been "holding out for."
so, today, I'm sad because I realize that I have to let go of any hope that anything will ever happen.

It started this past weekend when one of these men told me that we have to start ignoring the sexual tension between us so that it will go away because he doesn't want to go there with me. huh. That was interesting.
So, it got me to thinking about all the other "sexual tension" situations I have.
And how if I'm really honest about it, nothing is ever going to come out of them ever again. I realize that for the past 9 years, I've been subconsciously keeping doors closed in order to keep things open for whenever "he" showed up. To which Leslie replied:
You can't fuck a ghost.

There are a couple of these guys in particular that I absolutely need to say goodbye to. And it makes me really very sad. Giving up hope hurts. Even if it is misplaced and misdirected and letting go of it is the healthiest thing since working out and eating properly.

So, in the tradition of Ms. Morissette,
I give you
My own...Unsent.

Dear Cute Guy I met at the bar,

You are totally dreamy and represent "What I could be missing". But WHAT am I actually missing? Impulsive, mediocre sex that will inevitably lead no where and leave me worried about pregnancy? AWESOME!
I should really continue this course of action.
Goodbye.

Dear Guy I really liked in High School, never dated, but recently had a fling with,

You are incredible in bed. You make me laugh harder than anyone else on this planet. But we will never be in a relationship because you are you and you have issues that don't include me. And sleeping together again would be a bad choice as it would just undo all the "getting over you" I've been trying to do for the last year. So, enough already.
Goodbye.
(Damn, that was a little less convincing than the first. Gotta work on that.)

Dear British guy I met ang had a fling with in Germany and occasionally get emails from:

You were awesome. But, you live in Europe and I'm not moving there any time soon. For real. I need to realize that a dream of moving overseas does not guarantee a reunion with you. That was evident when you blew me off last winter.
Goodbye.

Dear Most Recent Serious Boyfriend who looked really good on paper,
You helped me through a really rough patch and helped me get a great new job. But, you also called me fat. And now I drink even more than I did before you. We're never getting back together.
Goodbye.

Dear College Boyfriend,
It's been 9 years since we broke up. I've sent you letter after letter telling you how much I still love you and how we should just "be together already!" You are never moving back to Chicago. We are never getting married. Your laissez faire attitude toward my last efforts was a little insulting. And I need to not be in love with you anymore.
Goodbye.

Best Regards,
A Woman who thinks it's about time to move the fuck on with her life.

The Wedding

Well, that's that.
I am slowly recovering from too much celebration and being over-served waaaaaaay too many times.

It was all very beautiful.
I am so proud of my brother.

I don't think I ever want to eat again.
Italians really love eating.

Good Lord.

A Review.

Spiderman 3 officially sucks.

I am pretty upset and my ass still hurts because the thing is like 9 million hours long.
Also, I've never seen James Franco smile so much in one sitting.
It started to get really creepy after a while. They could have been going for that, I'm not sure.
Also, I think that about 9 scenes involving MJ being pissed off at Peter could have been resolved with and obvious,
"Peter, I'm pissed at you" thereby cutting the script by about 7 million hours.
Even the opening fucking titles are too goddamned long.

Special Effects aside, this movie sucked. Topher Grace was ridiculous. The Sandman resolution made me want to poke my own eyes out. (At one point I dosed off in the middle of a pause in dialogue and woke back up during the same fucking pause.)
If it was a stage show, I would say the actors were jerking off all over the stage with all the "acting in the pauses" that was going on.

Fucking shit.

What?

What Is. Being ok with What Is. Not judging What Is.
It's always been a problem for me.
Always looking to the future. To What Should Be.
This Summer, my goal is to keep to the moment. And not judge the moment.
I will LEARN from the moment.
I will no longer mourn What Should Have Been.
Or pine for What Could Be.
Or hold out for What Might Be.
I will take joy from What Is.
I will accept myself as it IS. (not objectifying myself. Only want to stick with present tense IS)
I will not judge my body in terms of What Was, What Should, What Could or What Might.

What Is.
That's what IS important.

Stupid Spring!

I am greatly affected by the seasons. In the Winter, I get very irritable and depressed. In the Spring, while my mood definitely improves, it also gets extremely restless.

It doesn't help that I'm 32.

You do the fucking math.

I"m Sorry, But...

Is Nickleback serious? No, for real. Are they even a real band??
This morning, I was listening to the Eric and Kathy this morning (don't you judge me. I don't have cable yet) and this song assaulted my stereo:

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]
I love you
I've loved you all along
And I missed you
far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
(So far away)
far away for far too long
So far away
(So far away)
For far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
(I love you)
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
(and I forgive you)
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go
Keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me never let me go

Ok, is it JUST me? Did a guy actually write this song? I mean, I'm all for the sensitive ponytail-guy, but COME ON!! I cannot for one hot minute believe that someone in the band didn't say,
"Dude. Um, Really?"
There is just WAAAAAAAAY too much "feeling" happening in this song. WAY too much.
And that's why I believe that this band, like many others (Sugar Ray being another suspect) are a manufactured-by-whitebread grown-ups for the sole purpose of making money off teenage girls and stupid people.
I know it's not a new phenomenon...it's just never up and slapped me in the face this hard before.
That is all.

I Turned 32 Yesterday, Oh boy!

And went to Ikea for the first time ever.
I thought I was going to have a stroke.
That place is fucking awesome.

I'm Allergic to Moving

Or the dust. Either way I want to scratch my face off.

But, I'm moved in.

A brand new space.

Oh the trouble I can get into!

Well...

Guy Who Bites back got double crossed by the other henchmen and he's since been stabbed by rebar and tossed into the lake whereupon he met his destiny in the jaws of the shark. Gladly.

"Vengeance is mine! It's payback time! Little man walks tall!" cliches the other henchman right before the oil rig blows up AGAIN.

Some other highlights before I get to my moving.

We saw (in no particular order because it makes no goddamned difference):

a completely inappropriate pseudo-rape fantasy seduction scene between Guy Who Bites Back and Smart Blonde Girl.

Mr. Diamond Phillips carried away by the shark via his scuba tank.

Grizzled Hirsuit and Apparently Devout Cajun Assistant admit he can't swim...even though he's been a fishman for 20 years. IRONY!

Smart Blonde and MDP share a reconcilliary moment. (Oh, did I mention they were married at some point in the past but they've been estranged and she came to ask for his help in her geological study because "he's the best"...at what I have no idea.

The shark grow exponetially larger each time it appears.

The oil rig blow up twice.

Smart Blonde's boobs threatened seductively by a knife.

Smart Blonde inexplicably raised on a crane in some sort of attempt to get her off the rig which is about to blow again....I guess???

The oil rig blow up a third and final time soley to get MDP into the water. Again. Also, he's the only one in a sleeveless wetsuit. You know, to show off his "guns".

The black henchman wrestle with the shark over the rusted locked lock box (which is what they've been after the whole time)...it opens, money pours out, and he actually goes for the money and then gets eaten.

Um, and the most incredible and horror movie killing of a shark ever. The rig, which had blown up 3 times.,...apparently still has a working drill. So, what do they do? While trapped conveniently in the drill bay, they turn the drill on, and when the shark leaps VERTICALLY they sink the drill into his mouth and TURN IT ON! I swear to god it was like watching Phantasm. Oh, and also the lake/river is apparently 20 miles deep because we watch the dril and the shark go down at least that far.

Closing thoughts:

MDP: (Broodingly) "Wonder if that reward still stands"
SB: "Don't see why not"
Grizzled Hirsuit and Apparently Devout Cajun who theorized earlier that the shark was God's punishment for Greed: (while holding a shark tooth taken from MDP's foot) Maybe we should let the spirit of Black Cove rest, eh?"

And then he throws the shark tooth in to the water. Where it sinks. For 20 miles.

I have to pack.

Holy....

(Sorry...stupid internet connection....)

So, Apparently, Deep Blue Sea ripped off Red Water.

*SPOILER ALERT*
you know the scene where Samuel L. Jackson gets totally eaten during his inspirational speech about how "we're gonna get out of here?"

*END SPOILER*

Well, Some lady tour guide just got totally eaten by the comically large bull shark when it breached right in the middle of her "We're going to save this sanctuary for all the animals" speech in front of a group of highschool kids.

It. Was. Awesome.

The really funny thing about this movie is that there are like 3 different movies happening.

1. Shark Menace Horror.
2. Oil Drilling in Nature Sanctuary Political Think Piece
3. Drug lord searcing for lost stash/money Crime film.

All of these work together to get people into the water as stupidly as possible.

OH MY GOD.
Ok, remember when I told you about how "People Died on Mr. Diamond Phillips's Watch?"
Well, the oil rig in THIS film totally just blew up and some dudes died.

MDP: (Tragic and Brooding) Hank....did he have a family?
Pete the Oil Rig Operator and Long Time Colleague of MDP: Don't do this MDP...
MDP: DID HE HAVE A FAMILY????
Pete: Yeah... 3 kids.

NOT ON HIS WATCH!!!!!!!

ok,. and ....Pete the Oil Rig Operator just got eaten and Mr. Diamond Phillips has entered the water with naught but something heavy to get him to the bottom...

Until next update... when we see the fruition of the "He bites back" foreshadowing from the beginning of this monstrosity

First update

We've had our obligatory red neck mouth breathers speeding around a small body of water like maniacs chumming the water scene.
And, it turns out that when Grizzled Hirsuit Assistant is in his natural habitat: A quaint Louisiana Riverside Zydeco Village, his Charm and Ability to dance are unleashed.

Very Smart Blonde: I didn't come here to dance.

Cue lone violinist and campfire...
insert some Cajun Friench....
"Maybe the shark is the form that spirit takes...."

YAY! Grizzled Hirsuit Assistant Gets Laid!!!

Procrastination Makes it Happen

So, what do you get when you cross Oil Rigging in a protected nature refuge, random drug lords, one of whom got bit by a shark and so now whenever he gets the chance "he bites back", and delightfully brooding Lou Diamond Phillips?

That's right.
Red Water.

So far, we've seen all of the above, more close up shots of bikini clad women slipping into bodies of water than I can shake a bottle of SPF 60 at, and an extremely disturbing killing of a granfather in front of his young grandson.

From what I can glean so far, the nasty oil riggers have upset a bull shark's freshwater home. Yes. That's right. Bull Sharks can survive in fresh water...as revealed by the grizzled game boat skipper and hirsuit assistant to Mr. Diamond Phillips.

Sheriff: "We heeerd teel of a shark attack up there at Black Cove. Now, Sharks live in salt water right?
Mr. Diamond Phillips: (Broodingly) Yeah. So?
Grizzled Hirsuit Assistant: Sort of.
Sheriff; WHAAAAA?
GHA: There's one type of shark that can survive in fresh water. Bull Shark.
DUH DUH DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Then we jump to some scene involving a blonde spitting out her lines about discovering natural gas in Black Cove and GHA saying the obligatory "I have no idea what you just said pretty lady because I'm not used to hearing girls like you make smart noises."

OH AWESEOME!!!!
Mr. Diamond Phillips just uttered the most awesome lines ever.
"I was on that rig. People died on my watch. There are no accidents."
Aw... and GHA just said something about "Second chances" and "taking them" and bullshit.

I am henceforth in love with this movie. This is one of my favorite conventions. When characters who are going to be profoundly involved in the natural disaster/animal fighting back scenario, go about their business, but in the BACKGROUND...say, on a radio, a tv show whathaveyou, there's some kind of broadcast detailing the Shark-eating-people- events happening "Someplace Else" but how there's nothing to worry about.

Cut to the next place where shit's gonna go terribly wrong and then threat moving toward it MENACINGLY.
In our case...the BULL SHARK.

Here's the reality. I need to be packing/cleaning/moving/ and I have the day off.
I'm not getting shit done until this movie is over.

I will keep you posted.